The Life of a Twenty Something Year Old College Student

Going against my better judgement

2012-01-24T12:02:00.001-07:00

I found out today that the band teacher is expecting me to re-gain her trust and the trust of the parents, not the students. But that goes against my better judgement. I have been taught to try and please the parents as much as I can while allowing the students to have fun and if they have fun but a parent is angry then that is their deal.

But I am being against to go against my better judgment. Okay. I just hope people know what they are asking for.

What None of Them Realize

2012-01-23T14:20:00.001-07:00

What none of my students realize is how much I love and care about them. I cried quite a bit yesterday when a student accused me of not caring about my kids. Then when my student this morning threw her stuff down and walked out swearing while doing so. This mornings schedule including getting new work to the end of the show. When I went to set everyone up, one of my former captain's threw her equipment down and said (note there is swearing coming) "this is complete and total bull shit. When you and your lazy ass want to present a show that I am not embarrassed to perform you call me and tell me. Until then I am gone. I practiced and we were still messy. Thanks for making ME look ridiculous. If we weren't ready why did you put us out there. Call me when you have stuff for me to work on." I told her she has no idea what we are doing next and that in fact we were re-working the show today. She looked at me and said "Stop lying to me and tell me the truth. The music skipping was your irresponsible excuse to not have us be together and to throw us off. It is not MY fault or anyone else's fault we were messy on Saturday. Just yours. BYE NOW."

I had decided that I had had it with her attitude and told her the following "Fine. Leave and when your are ready to apologize for acting out of line, yelling and screaming and for disrespect to the team, you may come back. Until then, there is the door. You are excused!" She picked up her stuff and stomped out only to turn around and tell her best friend "You better pick the right side or we are not talking anymore." Her best friend followed her out. But that was not the end of it. I was staging the end of the show when some parents came up. No warning. Just a simple surrounding and a "we are not leaving until you talk to us." One of them is upset her daughter was cut as a captain for her attitude. Another was angry that the show was a mess on Saturday. A third did not say anything but rather was there because these parents were trying to have a strength in numbers situation. I finally told them the following "Look, you can make an appointment to talk with me after rehearsal. If you want Ms. Teot present you can make the appointment with her as well. I will not tolerate an interruption of rehearsal because you are upset. Either meet me downstairs or send me an email. I have work to do."

I think my favorite part is when Jamie Teot, the band teacher came up to me to have a chat with me. She noted the parents were angry and gave me suggestions on how to work with them. I was about to cry from stress so I instructed the rest of my kids to go over the flag feature phrase. That is when the trouble really began. My former captain came back and said she was going to be helping. From what I have gathered from the kids, they were yelled at by her and told to do what SHE said and not what I said because Jamie is my boss and if Jamie tells her (former captain) to run rehearsal then Jamie trumps Kristen and she (former captain) is allowed to do what she wants. Apparently afterwards, everyone got into it with each other.

Now, I have been receiving text messages non-stop about how the band teacher has decided to re-instate captains and how the students are not happy that the band director is making decisions for me.

I don't think any of them realize how much I love each and everyone of them, how much I want the best for them and if I had known they were not ready, I wouldn't have had them perform. They were clean in warm-up and in our Thursday rehearsal. They gave me every reason to believe they were prepared. I apologize if they felt I was the reason for them being so messy (sometimes apologizing for something you didn't do goes a long way). None of the kids had any resentment (aside from the usual two). They said they froze but that they were just not expecting so many people to watch them. They trust my judgement and plan to continue moving forward.

They don't realize that I care so much more about them then they know. I spend many nights laying in bed thinking how I can help them get better and how I can do my best for them. I have had times when I would wake up at three in the morning and choreography in my room a certain section and then write out how to help them achieve it!

I just wish they would realize that!

Nothing like a Mother's Love

2012-01-11T14:48:00.002-07:00

I had an interesting experience today. I was eating at the Valley View Room (UVU's upscale cafeteria) and sat across from a family. There were four girls, a little boy and their mother. She was a single mom (she had a pamphlet for financial aid for single mom's) and was sharing food with all her kids. They couldn't afford cookies (they were asking why they couldn't have cookies and their mom simply said "because it is too much money and I don't know if I could buy enough for all of you"). The UVU student council walked around with fortune cookies and came by the table to give this struggling family a giant handful of them! I had gotten one earlier and knew exactly what each of them said. They were all the same. This is where the children's mom worked what I call "mommy's magic." Each child happily opened their cookie and then squealed in delight to find a paper with words in there. They each took turns asking their mom what it said. She started with her oldest and said "You pigtails make you look beautiful." Her oldest smiled big as her mom looked shocked and said "Whoa how did they know that!?" She continued give similar comments to her children about their beauty and how much they are loved each having three fortune cookies read to them, each squealing with delight (including her little boy). She then told each of her children that it was time to go because she had to drop them off at the UVU Wee Care Center so she could go to class.

It made me think about their situation. The whole time her kids were noisy or asking questions that would make anyone feel uncomfortable to answer, she would answer calmly. She expressed her love to her kids despite her hardship. She did not look tired and even looked hopefully when she mentioned class. This woman knows what trials are and knows how to deal with them. She faces challenges everyday and still was calm and collect. She loved her children and you could tell that is all that mattered to her...that her children were happy. I see that kind of thing everyday but for some reason I had to share this wonderful experience. It made my challenges look a little more manageable!

My Pet Peeves

2011-12-23T18:48:00.000-07:00

Please note that this is a ranting blog and that I am not attacking any one person.

1. I get angry when someone, who did not vote in the last election, complains about the President of the United States. In my personal opinion, if you did not vote at all, you have no right to complain, so stop telling how terrible congress is. Unless you voiced your opinion and exercised your God given right to vote, I will not have any sort of debate with you and you will hear my rant about how much I could care less about your complaints. Either you try your best to fix the country or you sit down and shut up while the rest of us try.

2. I hate it when I am driving and notice I need to change lanes and the person behind sees the exact same need for a lane change and speeds up or waits until the last minute to do so. Is shaving 5 seconds off your tie really going to get you there faster. I intentionally do not let those people in my lane and when they do make an attempt, I become a rude driver and speed up so they think they will get hit. You are not going to be rude and get away with it. I know, I am mean about it but really...are we so desperate to get ahead by five cars?

3. This one is more directed at youtube. I was watching a video and some jerk had the nerve to post (in the comments) profanity about this family and continued to bash on their videos (he is a repeat offender of said action and I had had enough). I stated what I always think when I see haters bashing on people's youtube videos..."you're just jealous that he is so famous on youtube that even your negative comment pays his bills. If you really hate his videos why do you watch every single day? Either enjoy his hard work or shut up and beat it." Again, I know I may have come off as harsh, but seriously, why are you wasting your time watching it and then writing terrible comments if you hate his videos so much? It doesn't make any sense to me.

4. I absolutely can't stand people who complain about their lives when someone who has been through far worse is standing right next to them. I witnessed this once. A former friend of mine would constantly complain about his broken thumb and how life sucked for him because he had no money to go to the hospital when a woman I love and admire just lost her daughter and she was trying to save her marriage and paying two mortgages because she couldn't pay to bring her daughters body back for New Zealand. Seriously, I guarantee someone has it worse than you. Yes, I complain and I know I do, but show some respect when you are around someone whom you know has practically lost everything.

These are just a few but I needed to get this out their.

Monday is Do or Die Day

2011-12-13T12:19:00.001-07:00

As many of you know, I work for the Springville High School music department as the colorguard director! Now, as part of my employment there, I assist in generating a budget and finance list to see what I can provide for my students. Due to some recent political upheaval within the Utah WInterguard Circuit, my band director has asked me if I want to stay in the circuit and continue the ever-so-tiring fight with the circuit, or help raise over $2,500 for the kids to go out-of-state and compete. This is a tough call so I asked if I could decide next Monday. There is a fundraiser happening this weekend that the students generally do fairly well in and we are waiting on a grant for new drums and instruments. Everything will be decided officially by Saturday, but since the district office is closed during the weekend, we don't get our final budget report until Monday. So, Monday is a big day to say the least. Monday determine whether we have a choice or not in the matter. I am hoping we have enough funds to stay in the circuit and still travel since the kids will be in the middle of a heat political debate among the circuit board members and directors. Cross your fingers for us!!!

Something's coming...

2011-12-06T21:35:00.001-07:00

I am working on a project. Some of my readers will like it and some will just be "meh" about it. When it is ready you will know!

The "Final" Stretch

2011-12-02T08:16:00.001-07:00

Today is Friday. Next week is the last full week of the Fall 2011 semester and then I hit finals. All my finals are on the same day...Wednesday. Yup, I will have test from 8am to 8pm, but then I am completely done...finished! Yes! I will be happy to get a long break from school. I a getting to the worn out point. Good thing next week is the "final" stretch (I am so silly). I will be spending most of my break unpacking and working. But it will be nice to finally be unpacked and have my room in order!

Life is not always fair...

2011-12-01T20:02:00.001-07:00

I must give a small (or not-so-small) story for everyone of my readers to understand the title of my post. It starts when I was a child, but please note this story is not about me...

I had these two friends. They were brother and sister. He was older than his sister by 15 months. They were very close. I was in between them in age so naturally we all bonded. We all know the story. We were friends!

Now, let us fast forward a bit. I went to high school with both of them! I saw them as they went through those formative years. They struggled a bit in the church, but came back. The sister had met a wonderful man that brought her back. The brother struggle with severe depression but always had his best friend little sister guiding him!

Then something happened to this brother. His depression became so bad, he felt there was only one way out of it. He took his own life. He left a note for his family, but his little sister didn't know about her personal note from her best friend until just before his funeral. He stated to "never feel guilty. You kept me happy longer and I got to share many years with my little sister. But you must live your life as a beautiful married woman and I can't always have you to keep me happy. No, you did nothing wrong..." (taken from the information behind her brother's death). This little sister continually mourned the lose of her best friend. She hang a picture of him over her babies crib to remind her baby that her guardian angel uncle is watching over her.

Now, fast forward to 2011. This little sister is carrying her second baby, being an amazing mommy to her other baby and being adored by a man who couldn't stay long. The man who lifted her when her big brother passed, who was her strength and motivation to raise their daughter correctly. This man passed before seeing the birth of their second baby, another girl he would adore and spoil with his two other girls.

Now, she must be stronger than ever for her precious little one and the up and coming bundle of joy. Life can be unfair to those who don't deserve it. Yet, it seems the strongest among us go through the toughest times.

This is dedicated to that little sister. She has been through more sorrow than anyone should have to endure and more happiness than anyone can imagine.

Love you girl! Let's go play hide and seek at church one more time just to take your mind off of things for a bit!

Adjusting?

2011-11-26T17:20:00.001-07:00

I am taking a small break from completely unpacking to provide somewhat of an update on my blog. I have a bed in my room along with a filing cabinet and a dresser (among other things) in my room. I have been living here since August but I haven't felt adjusted yet and I think it has to do with the constant flow of stuff coming into the house. I tend to have trouble adjusting when change like this happens. I am not necessarily unhappy with living here it just takes time for me to get myself established. I don't think I will be fully established until everything is unpacked and my room is arranged how I want it. I will post pictures and a video of things when I get the time to do so. I at least have a few videos of the basement (where my room is) and plan on getting the whole house soon.

I never realized how much stuff I had until I actually moved. I am grateful to be downsizing. Some of the stuff I own I have had since I was six years old and don't need it anymore. I am excited to go through things, donate stuff and really just start downsizing and get my room in order! I will feel more comfortable once I have everything in order. Plus, it doesn't help that finals are coming up and I have a lot of pending assignments and a lot to focus on. So, I will end this entry to focus on more unpacking so that I can spend my time this week on school and work!

It's Not For Everyone

2011-11-16T14:25:00.001-07:00

I had an interesting discussion about school a few weeks ago with some friends of mine. I am a double major, one of which is in dance. Many of my fellow classmates are contracted with big companies. One girl in particular is having a difficult time in school. She has been in college for almost eight years now and is feeling as though college is not for her. She is a good enough dancer to make it into a BIG dance company if she wanted and already has a teaching job at a local studio. She was discussing the possibility of not going to school anymore because she just doesn't think it is right for her. This made me think a lot.

Now, I am not going to drop out of school (at least not right now) but I thought a lot about education in general. I know plenty of people who went to college and and are successful. I know plenty others who did not attend or finish college and are just as, if not, more successful. This country has this huge push for education stating that most employers think that their applicants must have a college degree to function in the working world. Then why do some of my friend with a Bachelor or Masters Degree have a difficult time finding a job and some of my friends who didn't attend college have greater success than the others. Because, college is not for everyone. I am a big believer in hard work, dedication and perseverance. Why is it such a big deal when someone decides to drop out of college because it is not for them. Stop telling these college drop-outs that they are lazy. I know a girl that went to college for two years and is making more money as a stylist than she thought she would. I am a believer in a good proper education but not necessarily in a college or university. People don't seem to understand that the work education means gaining knowledge. If a mechanic never goes to school for his trade, but manages to fix every car that comes his way, does that mean he is uneducated. No, I would like to see some of my readers try to fix a car and be good at it. He talks about how he doesn't want to see his costumers again, not because he doesn't like people, but because it means he did a good job fixing that person's car! We need the mechanics, the hair dressers, the carpenters and guess what, some of these trades don't require school but, instead experience.

So, the next person that comments about how their mechanic is lazy for not going to college to learn their trade, shame on you. Some people are not suited for in-class learning or it may not be for them. I promise, they are not any less educated, unless your definition of an educated mind involves having a Bachelors Degree. We are all just doomed if that is the case.

Last Day to Vote

2011-11-07T07:37:00.000-07:00

Today ids the last day to vote for Springville in the Glee Give a Note Project. Even though Springville will most likely make it to the next round, 15% of the judges score is how much the audience liked the video (voted). So, everyone please go to www.gleegiveanote.com hit the vote now button, type Springville High School (the entire name because there is a Springville school and a Springville High School) and click on the Springville High School (from Utah) vote. Then click vote! The site only tracks IP addresses so if you have multiple computers you can vote ore than once. The kids really need this and could use new instruments! Vote, vote vote!

...and they're off!

2011-10-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

***NOTE: This blog was started on Friday at 2:30am and finished Friday at 11:30pm...

I know, I know...I should be in bed getting as much sleep as possible before band tour tomorrow. I get picked up at 5am and then the mayhem begins...but I can't seem to sleep at the moment. I am excited. Even though the marching band kids have not been doing well in terms of scores, they have excelled as students and performers! I can see them giving it their all at every performance opportunity. I can guarantee the band director and I will most likely not get any sleep, but just may be worth it.

So, as part of my not sleeping routine, I have decided to clean and unpack everything. I have made some interesting discoveries about myself. First, I like to hide money in odd places. In the cleaning that I have done I have found $200 in 20 dollar bills and who knows how much in coins (I am pretty sure it was over $20)! Second, I just have too much stuff. Luckily, I have a GIANT sell pile of stuff I don't need. My sister came a while ago and noted that I could easily make a couple hundred bucks just off the clothing I own that I have never worn or don't fit into anymore! That was a positive thing for her to say and I was quite excited by that prospect! I am hoping for just a bit more than that!

Now, this exhausted girl is crawling into bed!

My Desire to Dream

2011-10-23T00:30:00.000-07:00

I am so happy to have y best friend in the whole world in town right now. He always tells me how much he is inspired by my desire to dream and dream big. I can tell him anything and he never laughs or says such goals are unattainable. However, I do feel bad. He tells me many times that he envies me and wonders how I can be friends with someone like him, who does not have a job and currently does not go to school. He lives in California with his parents but we manage to talk every night and without fail he always tells me how proud of me he is (apparently he brags to his friends at home about me!) and without fail picks me up when I fall down.

The other day while I was hanging out with him at his biological mom's house (he was adopted as a baby) we talked about our biggest dreams. I am a HUGE dreamer. There is so much that I want out of life. We were sitting on the grass patch near his mom's house and I told him everything about what I want to do and what I want from life. I told him of my desire to dream, fulfill my dreams and dream some more. I then stopped mid sentence to think. He turned to me and asked why I stopped. Here is my answer, I have another dream added to my list. I know what I want in life...some things I think I will wait for (whether I choose to or not) but I know what I want in life.

As Brian and I were talking about life, he said something that is not too shocking now, but it was a bit surprising when he pointed it out. He noted that I am a super independent person. He noted that he is not surprised by some of my dreams and has no doubt I will achieve them. He pointed that I am a hard-working and stubborn girl who will go after things full force. He also says that he feels many people are intimidated by this fact. I'd like to think I am a generally nice and approachable person, but I can see his point. I am kind of an odd ball (okay so maybe kind of is an understatement). I march to the beat of my own drummer and try to just go after what I want! I will have to create another blog about some (not all) of these dreams).

P.S. Don't forget to keep voting for Springville High School as part of the Glee Give a Note Project. They really need new instruments.

Glee Give a Note Project-Springville

2011-10-20T17:16:00.000-07:00

I am writing this blog mostly out of desperation and determination. As many of my readers know, I currently work at Springville High School as the colorguard director, assistant visual director and occasionally help with music. I don't get to see the budget to the music department at Springville, but I do hear about money woes from the band teacher and face issues with the budget as well. This post will contain a lot of inforation that I think is needed to prove my point. The Springville High School Percussion posted a video on the Glee-Give a Note Project website. The purpose...to win money for the school. You see our goal this year is to raise enough money for new drums. The drummers need it too. Almost all of the Bass Drums have the ris falling off (rims hold the drum together) and the snares nearly fall apart everyday. We need new insturments and colorguard equipment and winning this money can help our program improve a lot!

Here is how you can help us out too! Go to www.gleegiveanote.com. Then go to the vote now section. At the top you have the option of viewing videos from different states...go to Utah. Springville will be on that page. Watch and click to vote botton everyday on a different computer (it tracks IP addresses). Every vote helps! Please and thank you!

Finding Myself By Getting Lost...

2011-10-07T13:33:00.000-07:00

I have had a rough couple of weeks recently. I rarely share them with people because I just don't want too. However, I saw a friend of mine yesterday while I was sitting in the food court eating some lunch. I can usually spot him because he has longer hair (well, longer than most guys) and he always has his guitar with him. This time, I didn't even notice him. So, I sat down and barely five seconds after I sit down he has planted his stuff at the table I was sitting at. He said Hi and immediately asked what was wrong. He knew something was off. Apparently he had said hi as I passed his table but I just bee lined it to the one I eventually choose. He did not know me to be so unfocused and not notice people. So, I proceed to talk, just talk...and he listened. We had a conversation and something about going away for a while to find myself came up. He encouraged me to find a significant among of time (several weeks) to just disappear for a while...go somewhere to "find who you are because sometimes we need that." Now, I am not saying I would do this now, but just sounds so nice. He even said something that made me happy..."you don't have to go to a vacation spot to disappear. It can be anywhere you want or no where at all. Just find time for yourself. Disappear..." Maybe in order to find myself, I have to get lost...I like that idea!

At Long Last...

2011-08-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

I decided to take a break from packing to mark this momentous occasion. After living in Carriage Cove Apartments since August 2007, I am moving. I am no longer staying in Carriage Cove. My parents are moving from the state of beautiful Oregon to Utah (not that it doesn't have it's own beauty because it does...I am just slightly bitter that my parents will no longer be living in my home state). It doesn't seem real to me. I will be moving from the furtherest Northern end of Provo to the furthest Southern end of Provo. I am excited though. I get to paint my room, go through stuff and down size, organize my room the way I want it organized and arranged, and save money living at home! I will be excited when the piano gets here so I can practice! I am especially excited for my niece, Baby Claire to visit quite often (can you say babysitting?)! Even though, I don't like the fact that I am moving, I am looking at all the positives to it!

A Great Saturday!

2011-08-13T23:14:00.000-07:00

I had the blessed opportunity to sleep in this morning (if you call waking up at 8:30am sleeping) and very excited about this fact. I rolled out of bed, got some things done...and then went to Seven Peaks Water Park to celebrate the end of band camp! For the last week, Monday through Friday, from 8am to 5 pm, the Springville High School Marching Band and Colorguard practised, staged, drilled, rehearse and worked very very hard to get a difficult and visually challenging show on the field! We got 3/4 of the drill in place with music, about 30% of the work for the colorguard done and brainstormed several ideas about potential future rehearsals! The kids will have a refresher rehearsal on Tuesday. I was told not to give any new work, but I think completing the dance feature and the flag feature will put the colorguard right where they need to be those to sections alone complete 112 or 50 music measures or 6 drill pages of the show bringing the colorguard to 50% of the work completed)! Then the next rehearsal after that I will fill in minute details and flag work to complete what we have so far.

I came to a decision yesterday, that I slept on and feel good about today (another reason why it is a great Saturday)! While writing work for my girls, I heard all of them say everything except the flag feature, rifle feature and dance feature are super easy. I sat down with Jamie Teot, the band director to talk to her about this. I know the girls want a difficult show, but they also want to achieve higher scores this year (last year they never got higher than fifth as a colorguard in any captions or sub-captions). I can't give them both...not yet. So, I sat down with Jamie and told her that I am making everything easy for several reasons (as I will list below):

1. Even though their show is heavy on the visuals, giving them too much at this time will not be good for them. They will shut down and not be able to achieve the work until later in the game (maybe even when it is too late).

2. I have a plan to get them clean and perfect for their first show. So clean, in fact, that I want the judges to tell me to make their work more difficult! The girls have beautiful doubles and triples, but they are inconsistent when they catch. I see improvements from them everyday and that gives me hope. I think if they start getting their catches down, they can move their tosses up! But we have to start easy for a reason!

3. I want them to have an excellent movement book this year (when I say book I mean I write and they execute)! I am making work super easy so that they can have leaps and turns. Movement is not their strongest category so I am hoping with more movement that practice and get stronger!

4. When I see them have glazed over looks, I know their brains are trying to process everything and giving them more when they are note ready to receive it yet will only do more harm than good!

I am confident that they will succeed if they are willing to put in the time and effort!

Then, Seven Peaks today was a nice way for me and Jamie to unwind and relax. We spent most of the time together and had a blast!

Now, I watch the DCI scores! Blue Knights got 9th place (yes!) with a score of 89.2 (their colorguard received eighth overall)! Amazing season BK and congratulations to all my drum corp friends for such an amazing season! Best Saturday ever!

Wild Wednesday

2011-07-27T05:24:00.000-07:00

I just have to make it through the day and then I will be happy. I will still have lots of homework and lots to study for, but I won't have everything due in one day (four papers, two research projects and two midterms...all today). I just have to get through all of it and then some (my plan is to get a head in homework tonight) and then I can relax a bit (only a bit) tomorrow!

Love should not be conditional...

2011-07-26T07:39:00.000-07:00

I have had it. I am taking a stand. Yes, this is a ranting blog, but I am so sick of such close-minded people. Yes, I do believe in God and that His love IS unconditional. I am also a liberal-minded person, or as some people might say, a democrat (I am more toward the independent party but a good chunk of what I believe falls into the Democrat category). Yes, my best friend (one of them) is gay. Next person that tells me that I am going to hell because I am associating myself with homosexual people is going to get socked in the face...hard. Last time I checked, Christ walked among sinners. He never judged anyone. So, why are we all judging.

I had someone tell me that righteous judging meant disassociating myself from "those gay people." I have decided not to judge anyone. I have a tendency to trust people whom I probably shouldn't trust and forgive them after they have hurt me. Why? Because that is exactly what God would do. Are we not trying to become like God? So, why are so many Christians going after homosexual people who are seeking equality? You want to know what I believe? Are you sure? Okay, I don't care who marries who aslong as they are willing to abide by all laws. We have more important matters to worry about such as child and human trafficking. Why don't we show love to them? Oh, wait. Because we are so wrapped up in deciding who is allowed to marry who and so on. Why don't we take care of the drug issues, or trafficking? Why don't we focus more on our failing economy and less on why gay marriage is or is not okay.

I truly believe the entire world is sick and broken and needs to be healed. There are two BIG factors that I think will help...love and forgiveness for ourselves and others. That's it. That is what I believe will heal this world. Love includes respect. You don't have to like someone, just respect them and agree to disagree. I had a professor that told me, if we didn't choose to disagree, no one would research problems. No one would get informed about political and religious matters. I am not anti-religion. I am just wondering, why must love be conditional? Because of the fact that I believe in so much more, in love and kindness, in forgiveness, I believe the world can be saved.

So, I don't care what you believe, just believe in love. I have seen it work wonders for people when I do something so simple as show love and kindness. I don't care if you don't believe the same things I do, just know that I love you! My love could never be conditional...

What We All Have Been Waiting For!

2011-07-25T21:14:00.002-07:00

Fall season is officially here! Today was the second to last parade for my kids but the next parade is a joke so we are not worried about it and it is all the way in September). Now, this week, the kids are getting part of their show and then have two weeks of camp (phew). I just have to make through these next few weeks. Not only do I have every possible assignment due Wednesday, I have to get some fall contracts out, generate the calendars for the colorguard, order shoes and uniforms, take round-up to the back yard at the new house, get through my dance history timeline, generate a rough draft for my long research paper and still have some "me" time in there.

I have decided to include a fun little video involving my students. Their show was titled "In My Arms" with music by Plumb. The video below is the techno version. Take note that I am the one that says "you may now take the floor" and Lindsay is the one yelling "Exhibition!!" After which Lindsay and I could not stop laughing at how hilarious these kids are:

 Please

I love these kids. They are crazy and make me laugh!

I Don't Want It to End

2011-07-18T14:55:00.000-07:00

Here I am on a Monday morning still happily sitting in my Grandfather's computer room, occasionally looking out the window and remember that I am a Northwest girl looking for the rain and overcast skies and having nostallgic moments. I remember our family trips consisted of driving three hours to Bellevue, Washington to visit the family or the have "cousin camp" for two weeks prior to school starting. Then, everybody grew up and got busy. I sit here and decided, I don't want it to end. I would rather stay here for a long time. I would even be willing to take care of my grandparents if it meant I could stay. But school and work loom over me and I must return to my students before anyone has a mental breakdown. The next four weeks will be some of the busiest weeks I have known. I will need to get my room at the new house painted by August 17th (since that is when I have to be out of my apartment), have a guard camp and band camp in two weeks (back-to-back), complete finals the week of band camp, take care of all the copyright issues for fall and winter, finish the handbook and website for colorguard, get the media programing for the Springville High School marching band set up, homework, possibly find a second job, AND help around the house. I will be one busy girl for a while.

I love being here in Washington. I don't want to leave, I don't want this trip to end, and I don't want to go. Even the times when I sit and listen to everyone talk, I just feel relaxed. I feel that everything I knew about this place is going to change. I sure hope everyone is happy and healthy for a little while longer. I want to come to everything I knew at least one more time and stay longer than just the weekend.

I don't want any of it to end.

It's not the critic that counts...

2011-07-15T04:20:00.004-07:00

"It is not the critic that counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement. And at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."
-President Theodore Roosevelt
Paris 1910

Discussions of Marching Band Staff

2011-07-08T09:27:00.000-07:00

I am exhausted. I had a blast on Wednesday watching eight drum corps go head-to-head. I lost my voice half way through just from the excitement and screaming in support! It was such a great time. I loved hearing all the marching band and colorguard students say "whoa" during very visually appealing parts of drum corp shows!! On the way home from Salt Lake City, the band teacher, Ms. Teot (or Jamie) and I had a talk about the upcoming fall season. The band this year is doing a show titled "Pure Imagination." (yes are using the pure imagination song from the older Willy Wonka movie)! We both found out that we have the same feelings. We both truly believe that the kids will reluctantly trust us (the staff) during band camp. We have decided that we will sit them down that first day and tell them that they will be pushed far outside their comfort zone, but we will be holding their hands while it happens. Most of the band will learn VERY basic dance moves to enhance their visual performance. All four of us staff members know we will be stressed out and have a tough road a head of us while we get the kids to trust what we teach and do what we say. Jamie and I feel that this fall is going to be the "recruitment period" as well as the "building" time for the kids. We know the first few performances will be rough. However, my colorguard girls already have the first 40 seconds of their show AND over the next few rehearsals will be getting more and more of their show until the two weeks of camp. Then they will be in overdrive when we give them their whole show the first week and out drill to it the second week (can you guess which staff members will be tuckered out once band camp ends?). There will be so much interaction and visual stuff happening, we, the marching band staff, anticipate high marks in their visual and general effect scores. Plus, the percussion are sounding sharper and sharper every rehearsal. We all predict they will average 5th place (out of 14) the first few competitions and then start the slow climb to top three! I want the colorguard in top three as well. The next few rehearsals and the first week of camp will be spend pounding out technique (they are going to be tired...poor kids) and getting them to at least have the basics of the full week of band camp. That way I can spend the next month of rehearsals after that pounding technique and getting everything to look sharp! Camps start August 1st.

After the bus ride, we kept talking. We noted that last year the kids didn't start to peak until the BYU competition in the middle of the season. If they do that this year and push through the stretch of "close together" shows (they have 5 shows in two weeks and then state four days after that stretch) then they will come out in the top five at state (the staff wants top 3 but we will see how they do as the season progresses). All of the staff and parent volunteers think it can be done. I am hoping. Oh August please be fast.

The only down side to having two weeks worth of camp is the amount of work I will be doing. I will be doing camp with the girls and then going home to do homework. it will be the final weeks of summer block and, looking at my schedule, the toughest in terms of homework. I will have three research papers, a philosophy paper, a library assignment, reading assignment, midterm revisions, journal assignments, and a timeline assignment due (phew!). In fact if I posted a picture of my to do and homework list right now, people would wonder if I ever slept. The answer is not anymore but we will get into that later. Until next time, adios!

This Is When The Doubt Begins

2011-06-30T19:44:00.000-07:00

I have come to a realization within the last few days. I really want to spend the new few years, not only directing and teaching Springville High School's colorguard, but to also be a visual technician/consultant to other high school programs. My good friend Cory does something similar...he is the main staff member for an independent group known in American Fork as Wasatch Independent but helps out with American Fork High School, American Leadership Academy and various schools in Idaho, California and Nevada. I was at the Pleasant Grove Strawberry Days Parade and saw a school with a strong colorguard. They have an excellent fall program, placing first in their division every year, but never field a winterguard (last I heard it is because they did not know how to go about it). BUT they have the commitment level. I see their band director at all the winterguard meetings every year interested in starting a program but not knowing where to begin. He has a director and I must say, she is a wonderful director, but does not have the confidence to even start. So, I want to take her under my wing. She can be the director (deal with parents, take care of logistics, decision on music and show concept, etc.) but I would love to choose their costumes, write their drill and work and overall help them move along. Plus if they are successful, then I have an in the expanding my goal to go global.

I would love to network myself out of state, even starting in Idaho or Oregon at tiny schools who just want technique. I am willing to take workshop after workshop to be a better teacher and to help this goal. I envied my high school choreographer. We had rehearsals where we just charted the show because for two weeks after that rehearsal he would be in California, Alabama, Ohio, Canada, Washington, and even Texas to write shows and teach as a special guest. Imagine me doing that...ME. I want to stay with Springville as their full-time director. They have a lot of potential and heart and I see their big break coming soon. However, I look at people like Lindsay, like my choreographer, like Cory who are doing so great in their respective fields. I want to do the same!

However, I am doubting myself. I know how to approach the said school in the first paragraph, but I fear what may happen in this pursuit. What if I fail to help a group? I could potentially hold the fate of many programs in hands. A lot of band directors decide the fate of their colorguard programs by how successful they are. I could determine that in a good or bad way. I hope I never fail. Now, I start my pursuit!

What My Gut Tells Me...

2011-06-27T20:05:00.000-07:00

I like to think I am smart. Until recently, I tend to think things through and have a clear understanding of many things, although there is still so much for me to learn. But I have started trusting my instincts and listening to my gut (and it has never failed me). I have been blessed (or cursed) with a certain "ability" for lack of a better word. Whenever my gut is telling me something important I get a major anxiety attack. I pace around the apartment (or wherever I am) for hour trying to calm myself down and organize my thoughts (I usually fail at this) then sort through why I am so anxious and nervous. Well, this happened recently (within the last week) and occurs on a daily basis. Something that sometimes accompanies this nervous breakdown are recurring thoughts on a particular subject (that is usually my cue as to why I am so anxious). This one steams from my job. Let me explain!

When I started part-time (understatement of the century) teaching at Springville in October 2010, I noticed that Lindsay had established a hard-working well-rounded group. I applaud Lindsay for the work she did and the way she structured the program. However, I have had a gut feeling for a long while now to completely break down and re-structure (or re-construct) the program. I would add in a little bit of everything...Kim, Lindsay, me, and the instructors I was taught by to give these kids the maximum opportunity to grow. I have many ideas that I want to put into play, some that may not work at all, but everytime I see those kids I feel compelled to do something, re-structure everything and build this program from the ground up. Everytime I think about doing so, I get very scared but my gut tells me, if I work very hard to re-build the program this year, everything will work out next year and for the years to come. I feel with the re-structuring of the program, it will allow for smoother transitions, I can help build the program finances and help get respect from the school. It will involve me putting my foot down and not letting parents walk all over me. I may lose some valuable members but I feel that this is right. I am going to let my instincts guide me on how I need to build up the program. I am already executing quite a few things to help the program and am excited about it all! The kids sense that things are changing. Some are taking it very well. Others are still sitting at the edge of the lake wondering if this is a good idea. Hopefully, everyone will be on board. I plan to post plans and musings on this topic later!

The biggest obstacle that my students will be facing as I re-structure the program will be money. I looked at the budget for the colorguard for the next year and I know the only way we are going to support ourselves financially is through rigorous fundraising. There is just one problem...I have to get creative. I am not allowed to use a fundraiser another group uses (like a car wash...that is off-limits because the cheerleaders do car washes and we are not allowed to take away any funding potentials for another group). I have had a lot of people tell to just give up and deal with budget, but I just can't do that. I see other groups in worse situations get funding somehow (Dixie High School in St. George travel to Utah and Salt Lake County to attend every competition...that is travel fees for the bus and a hotel stay and some how they manage). It angers me the way everything in our district is shifted. Don't get me started on the rant that I just had with Victoria about it.

Well, I should get off my rant and soap box now. I am hoping to unveil the new Springville website soon!!! I will post a link to that when it is ready!

Until the next blog...ciao!

30 Seconds To Mars - Closer To The Edge

2011-06-06T23:07:00.000-07:00

Closer to the Edge by 30 Seconds to Mars

Before I go through my bedtime routine, I just had to make sure everyone knew about this amazing video that Jared Leto, aka Bartholomew Cubbins, directed. This is the music video of one of the songs of my favorite band 30 Seconds to Mars off their third album This Is War! This is the band in their raw form. In an interview on the This Is War DVD off the exclusive album, they note that this is a mini-version of a tour documentary. This song sat in the trash can for several months before it was rescued and it is truly amazing!

Yes, lead singer Jared Leto is sporting a blonde, black, brown and "pomegranate, not pink" (his words not mine) mohawk in a good chuck of the clip. He often has different hair styles in each music video (but don't go looking at all the music videos if you do not want to see some inappropriate things). This is one of the cleaner music videos as they wanted to capture their tour and their fans (more like family, or, The Echelon as they are called) in the raw pure form that they are. The band plans on (eventually) releasing their official tour video (apparently the video is still with their record label EMI and being reviewed).

The people being interviewed for the video are fans, literally fans that Jared pulled from the crowd to film. He sat some of them down and simply said "I want to hear your story...Go!" and what came from it was amazing. Yes, this video shows just how insane the concerts are, the passion in the band, the drive and commitment of the Echelon and the band and the dedication and hard work this band puts forth (they have been signed since 1998 and have been working super hard to promote their music ever since).

Some things of note...yes, Jared's eyes are that blue and no he does not wear contacts. I find him rather attractive and he will be turning 40 in December (yeah, I was shocked too). His brother Shannon just turned 41 and Tomo, the guitarist, turns 32 this year. They look young in many videos and interviews. Jared's quote is "follow your dreams...no matter what." Yes, he is a dreamer and believes everyone should be. I will post a video with him talking about dreams later. But for now...

ENJOY!

A Scare Coupled With Bad Memories

2011-06-06T21:05:00.000-07:00

I had a HUGE scare today. Three friends of mine were in a bus accident. They are performing members of Troopers Drum and Bugle Corp and were headed to Iowa to kick off their 2011 tour when a tire popped and the bus flipped. Does this ring a bell. Several of us were on edge. Was this going to be another Heather Christensen Moment? Were we going to have to say goodbye all over again? I was praying for a miracle...and boy did it come! Casey has a briused arm and leg, swollen face and a broken nose but was released from the hospital after only a few hours. David had his shoulder, left arm and left leg slammed against a wall so a big bruise is left in those spots but he is fine. Gretchen is shaken a bit and is heavily bruised but wasn't in the hospital for more than an hour. We were assured that they are all okay and being looked after by a volunteer corp nurse. They are sleeping now (or trying too at least) and doing well. Casey's phone is still at the crash site so I heard her only briefly on speaker phone Everybody has munor injuries but all are okay!

This news opened up a new wave of emotions for me as well as a lot of people. Many of us realized that both Heather and Sara probably played a hand in protecting all of them. The bus crash from this accident has very similar accounts of Heather's accident that took her life. One person to comfort us, Tiffany Miller. She heard about Troopers accident and dropped everything to help. She was someone who say Heather's body the night she made her final heroic act...and she was with my friends this morning! I send her a facebook message, remembering the day my world turned upside but not mourning because she and Sara take care of us from a far off place. I had memories of the night I found out about Heather and the night I got the news involving Sara. This opened up emotions I had safely locked away in a drawer in my memories so that I didn't have to re-live them again...and tonight I did. A bunch of us were on edge, staying close to our phone and waiting...just waiting for the update. Seeing their faces on the news and hearing their voices made all of us feel so much better. We were not going to have another Heather moment, were we end up angry, confused and cry for weeks at a time because we were not ready to lose our three friends. Now, that the scare is over (I heard they were okay about 30 minutes ago), I should try and sleep. Maybe a nice warm shower will help that process...

Well-rested?

2011-06-03T10:53:00.000-07:00

I wrote yesterdays blog completely and totally exhausted understanding that the next few days are not going to get any easier. Today is the last day of technique camp for my students (whom I sometimes refer to as my kids) and then tomorrow three of my kids have clinic while I have a 2 hour circuit meeting and a 2 hour marching band meeting (oh yeah---sarcasm). Then on Sunday, I finally get all the paperwork I need printed and loaded for the Sunday evening weekly Springville High School Colorguard email (yes, every Sunday night from now until I no longer work at Springville High School). Then next week it is five six hour days of parade camp followed by TWO parades next Saturday (holy crow). After that another email will get sent out and then I will happily accept the twice a week early morning rehearsals (I think they start the week before first block finals) until August when another camp AND band camp happen (why do we end up scheduling camps two weeks in a row?). Summer is intense, but everything gets done in the summer so that Fall runs smoothly!

So, last night, after writing my blog about being so tired I ended up just turning off the computer and going straight to bed. To my surprise, I slept rather well. Once I was asleep I didn't wake until about 6:55am (which is quite late for me considering my first class is at 8am). My sunburn on my back and shoulders did motivate me to not sleep until 7:15am like I wanted too, but I did get up later than usual. Surprisingly, I feel well-rested (for now?). Dance kicked my butt today as midterms are next week but I am not as tired as I have been! Maybe the nice deep sleep and just sheer exhaustion drove me to actually fall asleep fast and get some meaningful rest! I plan on definitely napping on Sunday to get the renewed energy I need to tackle Parade Camp week and midterms next week.

Okay, now on to other matters besides my job (which seems to be my main focus). I am thinking of posting a few BIG lists within the next week regarding some art projects I have in mind (and may need help with) as well as a goal/bucket list I have had for a while. I don't want everyone to know about every goal but there are some that may be of interest to people or that I may need some assistance with! I guess that is a promise of two posts in the very near future!

Now, off to print up captain sheets, make a vocabulary sheet and to run the last day of technique camp (oh and fix a rifle).

Tuckered Out Teens and Teacher

2011-06-02T20:50:00.000-07:00

I came home from school today and my roommate, Victoria, noted that I looked exhausted. She then said "good thing you are not teaching today!" Actually Victoria, I teach until the end of next week (next Saturday is when my break comes). Even on Sunday, after I attend church, I have some important things to do. It is odd though that I love working hard? Every night I try to go to bed early because I know I will be laying there thinking and thinking and thinking. Since my brain rarely decides to shut up at night, I tend to lay down for an hour or two to think and then eventually fall asleep. So, I tend to be up at all hours of the night and not by choice either. But I trek on everyday!

I went to Springville High School today to teach and even the girls noticed I was tired (as are they). Everyone was very sore (including me) and I was frustrated since we had only three people in attendance and I had a full of work planned. Tomorrow will hopefully be different. More parade work, some rifle practice, more movement phrases and correction of across-the-floor sequences, a bit of paperwork, a lot of negotiating, and overall just excitement that technique camp is done this week (and parade camp for 8 hours everyday next week). I am so excited though. I think the parade routine is going to be boringly easy that way we can focus on other things.

I see the fatigue in my students but their eagerness inspires me. They have high goals for themselves and know what they want and are willing to do what they can to achieve them! They just need to make it through the next few weeks without any mental breakdowns and then I think we will be okay!

I hope to get a few more posts regarding things other than colorguard up very soon. Maybe I can tomorrow after I take a long nap!

It's not the 2nd yet...

2011-06-01T22:39:00.000-07:00

I know...2 posts in one day! Gasp! It's not even June 2nd yet, but yes. I am creating another post. I am so sunburnt. I was outside for a good five hours today for my colorguard students technique camp and the sunscreen didn't hold up (higher SPF or apply more frequently?). It doesn't hurt too bad but dance class is going to kick my butt tomorrow since we do a lot of work on the ground and on our backs. I will get a picture going of the burn later. I am so red on my shoulders and neck (surprisingly my face was protected perfectly although I did get a sunburn yesterday on my face that is still healing). I love those girls and they just work so hard. They were pushed pretty hard today and took it in stride. They did everything that was asked of them and more, were praised and criticized (I think I should be giving for praises) and at times begged for us to let them have longer breaks. But Lindsay (former director and now Visual Technician) and I kept pushing, kept going and told them to not give up. We let them out 30 minutes early because they were just so exhausted after five hours (as were Lindsay and I) but what we accomplished was, in fact, amazing. I could see the frustration in their eyes but I know that what they accomplished today and what will be accomplished over the next two days will surpass anyone's expectations.

I asked Lindsay about what she wanted technique-wise in the marching band show this year since she is writing most of it. When she said ..."a double on flag would be nice..." I thought, maybe these girls can do it...and they did. Technically, they are not perfect, but it is achievable at this point. If they can achieve doubles on flag 7-8 weeks prior to band camp, imagine the possibilities of a clean double by band camp in August! I am hoping the other people interested decide to join and show up to future rehearsals! I am excited for this year. Parade season will be rough, fall season will be fun (and cold) and winter will rock! I am super excited for everything! *squeal*

I have a giant art project in mind (well, more than one but you get the idea). I am not going to reveal it yet because it is in the beginning stages, but everyone will be made aware of it very soon.

Time to go to bed.

P.S. A rather long post is coming in the next few days (long is an understatement). It has taken nearly two weeks to compose but you will understand once it is posted.

June? Really?

2011-06-01T10:20:00.000-07:00

I can tell you by the bi-polar Utah weather, it certainly does not feel like June. We have had decent weather the past day or so but the rain has been persistent in giving me an Oregon summer instead of a Utah summer (which is just fine by me!).

Everything is in a whirlwind right now. For the next two weeks I do nothing but go to school, do homework, prepare for colorguard, write up papers for colorguard, attend a colorguard instructor meeting (on Saturday), walk in the hot sun to make sure my students are doing everything correctly in two parades, choreography a pep assembly routine, study like mad for a math test and a math midterm, do visiting teaching (my goal is to get it done early), and clean my room (thanks to all the stuff I have had to do it is a mess...not even an organized mess, just a complete mess).

I guess I am shocked that June has crept up on me so fast. So, much is going on in the next little while but I think it will all be okay. I could use another 3-day weekend...please?

I have an idea...

2011-05-19T12:28:00.000-07:00

Actually I have quite a few creative ideas but each one is as insane as the other and nearly impossible...which is what makes them perfect!I may need to call some people first (mostly for reassurance that I am doing the right thing) but I think it can be done.

Yeah, this is a random musing and a thought that needed to leave my head or else I would have had a mental breakdown. Don't mind me. I may be just an itty, bitty bit crazy. No worries! :)

The Artist in Me...

2011-04-30T13:16:00.000-07:00

I am currently listening to some 30 Seconds to Mars lyrics while I type this up. Tomorrow is May 1st. A quarter of the way through the year and so much has happened. Yesterday, at the colorguard meeting for my students, I realized how important this is to my students. I have an idea for winter season show for the next 3-5 years and they are so dedicated and determined to raise to the challenge. I will give a longer story/blog of there future winter shows later, but for now all I am going to say is I think the 15 potentially committed members are going to know doubles on rifle and will hopefully have a class promotion! A nice five and a half minute show that will push them further than they have ever been pushed is what they need to go to the next step!!!

I am on such a creative high. ever since I left Utah this morning, I have been snapping pictures left and right of the Utah post-storm clouds and snowy mountains, my view of Portland while landing (from the plane), views from my parents house of all the cherry blossoms and the gorgeous trees, all pictures that I have for an idea involving one (or more) creative projects! I even snapped a picture of the Dr. Seuss book we have in our home due to the amazing memories I have involving that book! Plus, I have another creative idea involving "The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins." Oh man do I have many art projects in mind.

I am going to quickly wrap up this blog (for now) but I plan to be back again soon!

Thirty Seconds to Mars - "Alibi" Lyrics

2011-04-17T21:25:00.001-07:00

As many of you may know, I am a huge 30 Seconds to Mars fan. In fact, the video above is a song on their recent album "This Is War" titled "Alibi." This is a softer song they sing and one of my favorites! This is not the offical music video (they don't have one for this song), just the lyrics but it is gorgeous nonetheless! Now before I continue on with this post I am going to explain a few things regarding this band and it's fan base:

30 Seconds to Mars is a rock band with a touch of punk and screamo (just a touch!)
They have a fan base that they fondly call the Echelon. Yes, this is a cult.
The lead singer, Jared Leto, and his brother and the bands drummer Shannon Leto, were raised in a hippie commune where there was no limit to creativity.
As an example of the noted bullet above, they recently released a censored and uncensored music video of their single Hurricane. For people who want to know, I watched the censored one and found that, even censored, it is still very much a sexual music video.
Although the band does include sex in music videos and swearing in their lyrics, I actually find a lot of their music inspiring.
They have released three albums. In the recent album titled "This Is War" (also the name of a single on the album) they turned the microphones to the Echelon (the fans) and you hear a lot of fan voices on the album (I Jared said they had about 100,000 people from nine different countires on the album).
There most recently famous single off the recent album is "Kings and Queens."
According to facebook, they have over 1,000,000 fans (and counting).
Jared is a bit crazy and is known to jump past security and into the crowds at music festivals and major concerts. He will crowd surf among the fans just to say "hi."
All three band members are over 30 years of age, but you would not think it when you look at pictures or music videos.

Alright, now onto the reason for this post. After the release of the controversial music video Hurricane, the band held a live forum and Q&A session with fans to explain the concept and reasoning behind the video. He noted that he did have one (or maybe several) reason(s) as to why he choose the topic he did for the video. He then noted, however, that it wasn't initially about sex, but about being creative with who you are. This inspired me (not the sex part...no). It got me thinking in a way I didn't think before. Later in the live forum, Jared talks about art and what inspires people can turn into something different and to never be afraid of the inspiration that comes to you. Now, I am not going to make a music video about sex, but it did inspire me to sit down and write out somethings I have been wanting to do (in a creative sense). For instance, I have an idea about a movement (dance) piece in involving paint and multi-layered, textured backdrops. I already have a name for it and know it would probably turn into a two (maybe three) part piece! I also have an idea for my students this winter that may push them further in their dance and colorguard training than that have ever been pushed before!

I will post a picture of this list later (it is rather long). Rest assured, there are no plans of sex in my inspirations either!

Now, time for bed before my super crazy, pre-finals week.

I Don't Get It...

2011-04-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

I know this entire post is going to sound extremely childish, but right now I am in one of those moods. I sit here in the library after my test to take care of a few things (finishing another paper, getting some studying tools to study for finals, email out some colorguard stuff) and had to get onto facebook to find a message that was sent to me since this is a very important message. I was going into my messages so that I could copy and paste it to the email I was sending out to my students. I kept trying to look for it and couldn't find it. So I decide to ask the person via facebook message for the message they sent me. I searched for their name and it showed as them not being my friend anymore (this is the second person too). I don't get it. Did I do something wrong? I sorta want to ask them if I did but then I would be acting childish for doing so. I just want to know what I did to make these people angry with me. I am the kind of person that tries to fix things. I really want to know, but I don't want it to turn into a "I am not your friend on facebook so I am assuming I did something wrong" type of ordeal. If these people actually read my blog, I want them to know this...I care about you. I care about all my friends. If I did something wrong in your eyes I am sorry.

When I all this happened something in my gut told me it is because of a blog I posted a while ago about serving God and losing friends because of it. I just want everyone to know that there is one thing that I am 100% positive about. Everything else is something I am still searching (on my own time) and I believe life is a playground of discovery. If nothing else works this is the one thing that gets me by everyday and helps me to wake up in the mornings on days that are for sure going to be bad...that there is a God in heaven who is my Heavenly Father and He loves me, wants me to succeed, has a son named Jesus Christ who is also my Brother and completely head-over-heals for me, His little sister, would do anything for me (because He already has done everything and more for me), and that they have restored the true church through the Prophet Joseph Smith. Yes, that is ONE HUGE thing I am absolutely sure about. Now, I love to learn and explore. When I tell people I am a little more on the liberal side of politics, I get the traditional "well, the church is republican." Then that means President Faust was not the right person to be a General Authority. WRONG. I am allowed to be liberal or conservative or independent or whatever I decide to be. What I believe outside of the statement I just made is up to me. If I decided to never be a part of this church for the rest of my life, that is my decision, but I know this one statement is true. If any of my homosexual friends invited me to their wedding, yes, I would go. Whether or not I supported the action is my decision but I will support them nonetheless, because I love them, just like Jesus loves me unconditionally, faults and all.

Many do not know that my political stand varies depending on many things. This does sound strange but I have my religious political views and my "other" political views. Most of the time, I am voicing my "other" views, because quite honestly, I truly believe many of those more than my religious political views. For example, even though religiously, I don't thing gay marriage is conducive with God's plan, I do have that HUGE part of me that says, "as long as everyone who is married follows all the same rules and laws (including taxes and such) I have no problem with gay marriage." Yes, I know I will get several readers who will think I am a very "wishy-washy" mormon. Maybe I am, maybe I am not. It doesn't change my statement. Literally, the one thing that comes me going is knowing that God wants me to get up, do my best, be happy, and endure. That can mean something to different people. I feel that right now (and most likely forever) the only thing in my life that is stable (1,000,000,000% stable) is the statement I just made. There are many be things in the church that I like, there may be things I don't like but I am very sure about this. That is why I still don't get it and probably never will.

So, take me for who I am. This 23 year old woman still in school; still not sure if she picked the correct major; who loves to dance, teach, make music, read and write; is politically independent but leaning towards the more Democratic Party; is naturally curious and quite often weird; and is going through life still trying to figure many things out.

Yeah, I know. A strange post about some weird topics that probably don't make sense. Either take me for who I am or get out of my way. As Mia Michaels recently stated "anyone around you who tells you you can't, you need to discard them and move them out of the way...just go."

Well, Mia, here I go!

School and school

2011-04-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

I sit here blogging so I can take a break from two important school items. However, one is for me at UVU and one is for Springville (I am multi-tasking a lot of the Springville stuff). I will first start with explaining what I am doing.

I will start with Springville. I think I have some audition dates for the summer/fall colorguard but I need to check on gym times and my school schedule during potential dates as they may be during finals week. All my finals will be in the morning though so I plan to have auditions in the evening with a parent meeting the day after! I think rifle auditions will be the Friday before so that Lindsay can help me decide on the rifle and potential sabre line for fall! I have been sitting here at my sister's house enjoying family time while working. I have spent time organizing the current potential members list, deciding on captains and equipment manager, updating the April and May calendars, checking prices on new sabres and rifles, submitting fundraiser proposals and writing work for parade! I am spending my two week break from teaching updating my director's notebook and getting everything ready for summer and fall colorguard. I am hoping and praying for at least 12 people for the fall show. Lindsay, Jamie (the band teacher), and I want at least four sabres on the sabre line, four rifles on the rifle line and four flags on the flag line for fall. That would be awesome! Now, we have to check pricing for the sabres. I am super excited for the fall show especially since the drill coach is offering to give us a ton of stuff FOR FREE!!! I am hoping for smooth sailing for fall and spending all summer building up technique. I am sure my kids are not happy with the 6am-9am Tuesay Thursday rehearsals but there is a reason to which I will explain later!

Now, on to college. I have been able to view my classes and I have a lot to think about. I am allowed to take 20 credits for the whole summer so I am thinking 10 credits for first block and 10 credits for second block!!! That way I am not over loading one block or another will still maximizing my credits to graduate on-time or faster if possible. I get to pick fall term classes sometime this week and need to compare my summer schedule with fall to make sure I take take the next class in my course sequence. Studying is top priority so I need to finish an email and study some more.

Tears of Sorrow, Happiness and Pride

2011-03-31T22:18:00.000-07:00

My students had rehearsal tonight. Lindsay and I know the girls are ready and just worked on a few little things here and there to get them ready for State on Saturday. Then we had their final run through before State. Lindsay lost it because it was sadly the last time she would see the show. Itried hard to be the strong one, knowing I would still have at least one more show (two if they make finals) before we start a new season with some former members, some new members and with less of Lindsay's spunk and personality (sad). So, I waited until I was in the car...and then I cried. I cried my sorrowful tears for Heather, wanting and needing her here; for Mama Susan knowing she would not have her only daughter physically here to calm her; for Lindsay for not having what I get next year; and for me and the team knowing that in a few short weeks we will be different.

But I also cried happy tears too. I mentioned to my girls how high they have set the bar for next year. They have averaged sixth place (top 6 in our division go to finals on Saturday) and achieved the highest placement and score they have ever received in the past last week. They are so close to placing (top 3 place) and could receive he needed recognition they need. They were happy today and that always makes me happy. I cried knowing next year could get much better.

I then had tears of pride. Lindsay and I brought these kids along and helped them achieve their goals. We both have had the amazing opportunity to watch them grow and develop as performers. I could list off each one of them and tell you their personality, how they think, where their motivation lies and why they do colorguard. I love all of them like my own children...al 10 of those crazy, dorky kids. They will probably be the death of me one day, but I grow to love them more and more everyday.

I think about the journey I have been on with these kids and I learn something new everyday. I learn how to handle irate parents, how to deal with teenager, when is the best time to motivate students and so on. I am so looking forward to the upcoming 2011-2012 season.

Now, off to bed. I have a long weekend ahead of me.

It Really Is March Madness

2011-03-09T09:30:00.000-07:00

I hear talk of March Madness in terms of basketball season, but I am going through March Madness in terms of life in general. I am writing this blog when I should be in class. Now you may be asking, "Kristen, Why are you not in class?" That is a very good question. You see for the past week, my life has consisted of nothing but school and teaching colorguard. Plus, this week, I had cleaning checks for the apartment which is basically a white glove inspection for the entire apartment. The last two nights I have stayed up nearly all night to finish homework, sew more flags, clean, and finish midterms. I finally went to bed, this morning at 4am after finishing up everything that needed to get done! In my exhausted condition I forgot to set my alarm. However, my phone was on and, after receiving a few text messages from my sister, I woke up realizing it was 7:55am. My class was starting in five minutes. It takes about 10 minutes to get to school and I was not even ready yet. Just getting my ballet stuff together and putting in my contacts would take about ten minutes. So, I decided to carefully take my time with everything and then come to school. So, here I sit in a computer lab writing important emails and updating the general public about my crazy busy life. I think I will start with school.

Midterms seem to last forever. I take my last midterm today and I am stoked to have midterms over with. But then tomorrow my second Chemistry test starts. I am so excited to have a three-day Spring Break next week to finally unwind a bit and relax. I will still be teaching as my students don't have spring break until April, but no classes, hopefully no homework, and enough time to relax a bit! In about seven to eight weeks I get to start the process of finals (exciting would be too sarcastic for everyone). I am not looking forward to finals but it is a way of life I guess. Then I get a nice week and a half long break before starting summer semester!

My job as the colorguard co-director at Springville High School is turning out to be successfully stressful. I do love it though. I love watching my kids excel! I have to sew non-stop for ALA though and that keeps me busy all the time (the sewing finally ends on Saturday). We had a mishap with the ALA flags and I decided to take them home and fix them. My Springville kids are on the cusp of complete success. Last year they were last all the time. This year they are averaging sixth place, but Lindsay and I know they can do much better than sixth place (we think they can do as well as third place)! We will see what happens on April 2nd (Circuit/State Championships).

I have two more things I want to address before I wrap up this blog. First, I am trying to decide if I want to make this blog protected. I don't mind sharing my views and opinions with other people but some people are just plain stupid when it comes to reading things on a person's blog. I have not decided to do so yet but it is an option I am pondering.

The second thing is this...while cleaning my room yesterday, I found a HUGE list of goals I want to accomplish. I am planning on posting it here. Some of it is personally. But it shows people how I think too. I have categorized the list into spiritual goals, educational goals, physical goals, etc. I plan on posting it here and even showing a picture of how long it is (one category takes up 3/4 of a page). Yeah, just some thoughts and pre-cursors to what is to come!

Until next time (hopefully soon), I hope everyone has a fantastic day!

Marching Forward

2011-03-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it is already March. This semester is drawing to a close. In 23 days I can pick my classes for the summer term and in 30 days I can go ahead and pick classes for fall term. I have a rough idea of how busy my summer is going to be. So far, my students have parade rehearsals in the mornings from 6am to 9am every Tuesday and Thursday. I plan on having morning classes and possibly working part-time in the afternoon or evening hours (we'll see how that goes). But I need to add in rehearsals for my students in August, Band Council and Staff meetings, and I would love to schedule in some fun!

Thanks to the idea of the semester drawing to a close, all my teachers have decided to dump massive amounts of homework on me. I just finished writing a ballet critique paper and will have to write two more papers for my modern dance class this upcoming week. In chemistry, I finally understand everything...yes, everything, from the previous chapters now. It felt like I was going through the motions, but now everything is clicking. Papers and tests are all I seem to do these days. Plus, I recently helped pick the percussion staff for summer parade and fall marching band. Oh the joys of a growing group. I don't mind that the Springville Marching Band and Colorguard is growing, in fact, that is a good problem to have, but sitting through interviews for potential staff members can get tedious and boring. Then there is the "problem" of picking which staff more will fit with our team. Glad the interviews are over!

I feel that march is kind of a turning point for many people. It is the transition time between winter and spring (unless you live in Utah..lol) and the quarter mark of the year. For me, it is the time to thing about the rest of the year as it approaches. For my colorguard students, it is the time for me and my co-director to start looking at what next year will hold for them even though their season doesn't end until April. It the time to focus on school as finals approach and think of the coming terms and how each term will benefit me as a student. Deadlines start popping up and everything seems to happen at once. So all I can do is "March forward."

Graphs, graphs and more graphs...

2011-02-28T21:14:00.000-07:00

I decided to make graphs for my students today. It will all take a while since a good major of it involves previous scores from past shows. They seem to think they are not good enough so it is time to give them a visual representation of how well they have been doing even though Saturday was rough for them (they got seventh, almost eighth place out of ten groups). I am planning on taking pictures of the score sheets and posting their progress here in the near future (before April 4th). Maybe I can snag a copy of their final performance in April to show everyone what their show is!

Until then off to bed.

Why Them?

2011-02-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

I have had such an interesting morning. I have cried several times just thinking about the events that I am about to describe. As many of you know, I co-direct colorguard at Springville High School and am a consultant/technic supervisor and American Leadership Academy (ALA). ALA has tried their hardest to pay me. I asked to share a bus with them back in January and they said I either get paid or my kids ride for free. If I had gone through the Nebo school district for buses, both Lindsay and I would not get paid. So, I decided it would be a good trade. I teach and my kids get to competitions (while still getting paid at Springville). So, every competition, my girls get ready, meet at Springville, load the bus and take off with me usually following them in my car behind them. At 1am this morning, I received a frantic text message from the director AND bus driver at ALA...she broke her ankle and can't drive the bus again until...NEXT WEEK. So, I am now thinking "okay, I will just head on over to the district office and request a bus" which is exactly what I did. Little did I know you need to give a weeks notice to get a FREE bus. If I wanted to get a bus for my kids today for the Saturday competition, we would have to fork over over $1,000 (this is to get someone last minute, pay for gas AND mileage, pay the driver, a service fee, a late fee, pay for bus maintenance, as well as a few other little fees). Well, that plan fell by the wayside. Plan B was to get parent to drive the 2 hours and 15 minutes to Garland, Utah, but none were too keen on that idea so that got shoot down very quickly. Now, I wait...wait for a phone call from the Maple Mountain High School and Payson High School director telling me whether or not we can share a bus. If nothing pans out, we have to pay a $150 fee, withdraw from the competition and cannot compete in State Championships in April. Now, I am still looking for a way to get my kids to the competition. All this made me ask the question...why them?

My kids have had a successfully rough year. I know that doesn't make sense so let me explain. When the winter season started in November, Lindsay and I had so many goals for our girls. We had asked them if they wanted a very easy, simple show which would give them the opportunity to stay safe and be about mediocre in the circuit or risk a lot and have a difficult show and possibly do well. They choose the later and had their show staged in under four hours. Since then they have had such success getting their show on the floor. However, that is not to say there haven't been bumps along the way. They are never given ample gym time, the district refuses to fund a team that has not come home with a championship medal, and every coach at Springville High School has made sure or road to success has not come easily. We even had one girl quit and have spent the last week furiously re-staging their show and giving them harder work. Everything that could go wrong with the program has and does. I cry all the time for them hoping that one of these days, they get the break they need. I am hoping to get them out of sixth place and into the fifth place slot this Saturday but we shall see how that works. I always ask why them, because they work so hard to get what they want and deserve...respect from their own school, a chance to prove themselves to the district, funding and a day where they don't need to fret about transportation.

I love those girls to death and would do anything for them. All nine of them are MINE AND LINDSAY'S kids. We stand up for them, show them how to be successful and in return that respect and love us and give us there all.

I love being a teacher...even if they have some disappointments in their journey.

"As For Me and My House..."

2011-02-09T16:06:00.000-07:00

I decided to take a short break from writing out the first 36 elements on flash cards to write about something that has been on my mind since this morning. I went to institute were I am enrolled in History of the LDS Church. We were covering the year 1837 which was a year of trouble for the church. Our class learned that Joseph Smith had a lot of people angry at him. To make a long story short many people blamed their economic troubles on Joseph and not themselves. My institute teacher noted that the world today is in a similar situation. When President Boyd K. Packer came out with his recent talk, much of the Homosexual community and it's supporters along with some church members felt that he was wrong. Then my teacher asked the question of all questions..."Are you going to be the people in the temple who saw angels and manifest that the church is true but Joseph Smith has fallen and the people of the world who calm President Packer is wrong, or are you going to follow the Lord? Because the Lord never takes back what He intends to say. He uses the prophet and apostle to share His teachings and He never excuses what He says. I know all of you will face the time when you stand by the prophet because that is what the Lord says or to stand by your friends because they are offended. So, whom will you choose? Whom will you serve?" After class I approached my institute teacher and said "Brother B, I am facing this right now. Although I could never understand what it feels like to have al your friends abandon you like Joseph Smith did, I know the feeling of losing a friend because I choose to serve the Lord." He then looked at me and asked how? So, I will tell everyone how...

Back when Prop 8 was a huge deal, I had a bunch of my friends ask me to join them for a march on temple square. This march (or demonstration if you want to call it that) was to ask the church to not support such a decision. I asked all my friends to leave me out of it since it was for California voters and I need not to vote on it. When it did pass I had many friends become very enraged that I would not pick a side and could not understand how a religion group such as the Mormons could do such a thing. Luckily, I do my research before voting and found out that only 5% of the voters were, in fact, Mormon. A good majority were Catholic. I pointed this out to several friends and soon, thanks to my research, they calmed down and instead focused their efforts on other things. I thought I was in the clear and did not need to defend or explain myself to them. Then, a few years later, President Packer gave his talk and let me tell you, my phone was receiving text message after text message with friends asking how could I support such an intolerant, unsupportive and fallen church. I even had one friend send a text that went something like this...

Friend: I am going to tell you right now...I am angry that you are turning your back on people that care about you.

Me: I care about you so much and love you. We will not stop being friends.

Friend: Not if I have anything to say about this...

Me: ???

Friend: It's me or God and choose wisely because this may be the last conversation we have.

Me: I am amazed and appalled that you would make me choose. You are my friend and should know me well enough to know that if God asked me to leave everything behind and disappear for a while with nothing, I would. I choose God. I love you and I know you are angry but if you can't support me in that decision, we must not be friends then.

I never received an answer back from him. I have seen him around and make special efforts to smile and say hi. After this conversation, I had about 20 other friends delete me from their phones and facebook. The time was now. I had to choose whom I would serve. I cried the entire week knowing what was to come. In the months that followed, more and more dear and close friends of mine asked me to choose them or God and every single one of them left. I have not heard from most of them since that time. In total, I have had over 40 friends leave.

Now, I told this story to my institute teacher not to show that I am some great follower of the Lord, because I am honestly not that great. Everyday, I have doubts, everyday I cry thinking how difficult this task will be, but everyday I receive strength knowing things will work out in the end. My institute teacher then said, "My dear sweet friend. At 23, you should not have had to face such a decision, but I stand by you and your decision. You have my word. May God bless you for this sacrifice. Now, go to your next class. I am sure God is so proud of you!"

I don't know about the dealings of God and how everything will work but this decision is one I have made. I don't tell anyone this story to have a pity party or to show that I am a faithful follower. Instead, it is more of a reality. What I call the Great Division is starting. Christ is coming and everything is going to get much harder before it gets any easier, but "...as for me and my house, I will serve the Lord!"

God's Precious Gifts!

2011-02-03T12:10:00.000-07:00

I was reading facebook the other day and noticed a status my sister wrote. Long story short, my niece (due June 7th) has clubbed feet. That is when I realized something. One precious little soul from God was loved the moment my sister found out she was pregnant. Then when the rest of the family found out she had more love and support. She will have her great-grandparents to constantly coo over her, both sides of grandparents (first granddaughter for both sides, second grandchild for Kory's side) numerous aunts and uncles (not to mention great aunts and uncles since I know Aunt Pam and Aunt Marie will probably fight over her! Good thing Aunt Lindsay lives in California so all Cali visits get to be with just Aunt Lindsay) as well as many cousins and friends. This little gift from God will have a trial the moment she is born and yes it could effect her walking. But I haven't met her yet and love my little niece regardless of what will happen to her. It makes me think of God and all His children. I am not even the child's mother and I feel so much love for this baby girl. Yet God has billions (maybe even trillions) of children He loves so deeply no matter what trials they face. No one knows the severity of her condition yet every one of us can't wait to meet her and will be overwhelmed as we all make room for this little one in our hearts. Maybe a few dance lessons from Aunt Kristen will make her a prima ballerina!

Another missing Heather moment...

2011-01-24T21:50:00.000-07:00

I read a friends blog today about how she had a terrible 2009 because of the death of a family member. Then she described this family member as her hero. Heather is my hero. I cried when reading this friend's blog because it reminded me of October 2009 when I had received the news about Heather's final heroic act...the day she sacrificed herself to save everyone else's life...and it worked. It was a bittersweet night. I was about to go to bed when a good friend of mine called and told me I was not allowed to be alone when I heard the news he was about to give me. I told him I was a lone and my roommates were out. He proceeded to tell me of Heather's passing. I had never made it to Salt Lake City so fast in my entire life. I rarely speed but I am pretty sure I was going over 90 to get to Salt Lake City. Aside from Cory and Chase, I needed to also check on her roommate, Melodie, who, aside from her family knew Heather best. Everything after that was such a whirlwind.

I do believe that I will see Heather again. In fact, I know for sure I will. But I have a problem with having to be left behind. For Heather it will be no time before we are re-unite. For me, it will be a while. I was at Judge's Evaluation show on Saturday and everytime I saw someone perform, especially my kidlets, I wanted to cry. It would be my first year getting back into full-time teaching without her constant advice and guidance. Yet, I felt proud knowing what I had accomplished and knowing I made these accomplishments with others who knew Heather! I am very good at holding back the tears and pains in front of my students, but once I left American Fork, I lost it. I wanted to have the opportunity to call Heather and ask "so what did you think?" or "did you like it?" or even "what can I do better?" I woke up this morning to teach at Springville and knew I would teach dance basics. Even though I know I can do it, I have doubts. The whole time I kept asking "can I do this without her here?'" I texted Susan who was Heather's other best friend telling her about my thoughts to which she said, "of course you can. She taught you how now she is waiting for you to try...and she is rooting for you 100% of the way!"

I made the decision yesterday to wear a bit of red to ever competition in honor of Heather which is all great too for my Springville kids whose school colors are blue and red!

To my dear Heather, thank you for saying I was your hero when you have always and forever will be mine. Thank you for giving me the strength to make it through my doubtful moments and giving me the courage to go after my dreams. I love you and miss you deeply everyday, but especially when I want...no...need to get your imput and I can't.

Just another missing Heather moment. I'll be alright. I promise.

Now for some Heather quotes to cheer people up!:

"Always do gooder than your wellest time!"
"Did you ever know, you are my hero?"
"I better see 'Hi Mom' written at the bottom of your shoe!"
"Because I knew you I have been change for good." (This one is from her favorite song in the musical Wicked).
"Come here my ADD children!"
"I'd tell you I love you with all my heart but my butt is better so I love you with all my butt!" (hahaha...whenever I think of this one I always laugh!)
"I don't like to be mean but shut up...awe now you made me say the 's' word."
"I am so S-M-R-T, smart!"
...and my favorite quote not by Heather but from the Bible and shown with her picture the first marching band competition after her death at BYU...
"greater love hath no man than this, than a man lay down his life for his friends."

Love and miss you Heather!
1976-2009

Evaluation

2011-01-23T19:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a very big and busy day for my career and for my students. As many of you know, I teach dance and colorguard at Springville High School and American Leadership Academy in Spanish Fork. Every January, the Utah Winterguard Circuit host a Judge's Evaluation show. It allows all the groups in the circuit to perform in front of the judge's and receive feedback for their program and their show. It is also a chance for us instructors to see how we can improve our teaching styles and what needs to be focused on for the year. Both groups did great, but I am most proud of Springville. When they finished performing, the judge's were in a debate as to where to put them (which division they should be placed in. Two judges debated Scholastic Regional A and two debated Scholastic Regional AA. One of the judges that debated Scholastic Regional AA was for the sole purpose that we did not have flags done or the appropriate costumes (they are not finished yet). He then proceeded to explain that when he say the costumes and flags that he could have a better understanding of what we were trying to achieve. I told him about the ideas and he was overall impressed and noted that that will help us move up. Eventually, everyone decided to put Springville in the lowest class for the time being but are predicting great things at the next performance in two weeks (February 5th). I am excited to see how everything turns out.

I found out some information the other day that changes everything and not necessarily in a bad way. I just have to readjust my timeline for my life goals. I can't say anything yet but everything will be revealed in time!

Until next time...ciao!

Kristen

Story of My Life

2011-01-14T22:52:00.002-07:00

Britt and I went to the dollar theatre to watch a movie and I say this quote in on of the pre-show advertisements...

"I'm not a perfectionist. I am a rightist. I work on a project until it is right then I move on."

Britt then looked at me and said "Yeah. I'll believe that when I see it."

Story of my life. So, I am not a perfectionist...I am a rightist

T-Minus 8 Hours...

2010-12-26T10:22:00.000-07:00

My flight leaves today at 6:15pm PST and I am writing this blog at 9:15am PST. I go back to Utah today because I must be clocked in at work at 8:30am tomorrow morning for my last week working at Craft Supplies USA. I love coming back to Oregon. It is so green and pretty here and I will take the rain over snow any day! Plus, it is so much fun to see everything and everyone again. I also wanted to make a trip up to Washington this time to see family but alas, my parents and Michele will be the only ones making that trip. Maybe May or August? We shall see.

As I sit here and type I realize the new year approaches in less than a week. On Saturday, it will officially be January 2011. I am excited to start a new year as I have had a rough 2010. I hope have a healthier, happier year and *crosses fingers* no one too close to me dies this year. I don't know how much more of life"s beatings I can take. I just want an eventful year filled with happiness. I know life is hard and doesn't get any better, but it would be nice to be continuing my healing process, not burying another friend. I know I will gete by somehow though if anything does happen.

I must go finish packing so I will end this random blog right...wait for it...wait...now!

Christmas Day Musings!

2010-12-25T16:23:00.000-07:00

I first want to take this time to tell everyone Merry Christmas! I hope everyone has enjoyed this special time for the season, remained safe, and got everything they wanted for Christmas!

I was opening my gifts today realizing tomorrow is my departure date back to Utah. I work bright and early on Monday morning. I don't want to leave quite yet. I know if I stayed another week< I would want to go back but not at the moment. Michele, Mom and Dad are heading up to Bellevue, Washington on Monday and it makes me want to stay to see family. But, alas, work calls and I have to make money somehow.

Speaking of work, my last day at craft supplies USA is December 30th. I get to work that day but they close Friday and I am not able to work past January for them. I still have my teaching job, but that may not always pay the bills. I am going to try and look for something but I was informed by my mom that if I don't get a job it is not the end of the world. I just feel better when I have a job simply because I am contributing. Plus, you will find out more of my reasoning for having a job in a future blog (it should be appearing next week, so stay tuned).

I was quite excited by this years array of presents for this year's birthday and Christmas celebrations. Mostly, clothes, DVDs, books, and some fun things. I will post a list when I have a better idea of what I got and can give an inventory (might even have pictures too! I did love the Doctor Who picture I got from my oldest sister Jamie which she hand drew and had the cast of Doctor Who sign!

I wrote out my usual list of things to do this week. I look at that list constantly and hope I can find time to complete everything before the new year (or before the new semester starts). I even have a list of lists I need to generate, projects to delve deeper into, goals to complete or write out, drill formations for dance and winterguard to complete, etc.

School starts up again in a week and a half. I have a full, busy schedule and already have assignments before classes officially start. I think I am carrying no less than 15 credits this upcoming semester so needless to say I will be quite the busy body. I am hoping to pull out a 4.0 GPA and apply for the honors program in the summer or fall (I got an A- in one class and a B+ in another so I did not get the 4.0 GPA I desired). I get to take Chemistry, Mathematics, and an Education course along with some more dance courses this upcoming term. I will definitely be posting a schedule in the next blog (or the one after).

I guess that is all from me for now. I plan on posting again within the next 24 hours or so (maybe 36 hours when I get home from my trip to Oregon).

Again, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone!

My Reflection of A Tough Year...

2010-12-20T08:07:00.000-07:00

I know it is not the new year yet, but I decided to give a reflection of what I feel has been a very difficult yet rewarding year. I will try to start from the beginning of the year...January 2010 and try my best to show all the ups and downs and everything in between.

January 2010
I was still attempting to get over two deaths that had occurred the year before. Heather passed in October of 2009 and Sister Wilson passed in December 2009. I was starting a new semester trying to be distracted from these deaths. I had also learned that my good friend Ryan was leaving for the war in that time too. I had work, school and dance and winterguard rehearsals to keep me occupied but having a "Heather" show proved to be both healing and tiring (it was titled as "Starting Over"). Our memorial show to Heather was what allowed me to get out of bed everyday. We (Urban Expressions Winterguard) were very hard at work since our première show was in the middle of January and we were only half way through our show. We managed to finish just in time for the première and made numerous changes throughout the rest of the month to prepare us for tour! We literally were starting over.

February 2010
This was the start of some health issues. I was having severe pains in my abdomen and feeling the emotional effects of a finished memorial show. Our first out-of-state tour to a California regional proved to be successful seeing as we received the gold medal in our division, but we did not stop our hard work. Every member was sick or injured or both and most of us were working, going to school, teaching and performing. We were sweeping every Utah show and had an undefeated month in January and February but it was evident that we were exhausted.

March 2010
In the end months of February and the beginning months of March, I came down with an illness. I could not speak and whenever I was asked a question in rehearsal, someone else had to yell out my answer to the staff since I could not be heard. Rehearsals were in full swing and everyone was still tired. We did not have any free weekends from rehearsal or performances and were rigorously preparing for our second California trip to compete outside of Utah once again. Amongst all my illness and craziness, I had received some amazing news. My friend had decided to be baptized which came as a shock since he had expressed no desire in getting baptized until 2011 at the earliest. I received the news as I was walking out of the doctor's office and made a phone call to him to hear his story. It made me feel better even though my fever was sitting steadily at 101. After many long hours, Urban Expressions (UEX) placed second in the California Power Regional giving us the 17th place spot in the entire world in our division (you need to make 15th or higher to make finals).

April 2010
After coming off of our high of second place and 17th place respectively, I feel ill again with the abdominal issues returning in full force (no fever, just a lot of pain). At this point, all of UEX is injured or ill or both, including all our staff members, but we had one goal in mind...to be undefeated in Utah and jump to the top 15 by the time World Championships comes around. We went to the Utah State Championships and continued or first place streak by remaining undefeated in the entire state of Utah, averaging second in the region and still sitting in 17th place in the World putting us .2 points away from 15th (yes POINT 2). We headed out to Dayton, Ohio only three days after winning state (exhausted mind you. All of us slept the entire plane ride from our lay-over in Denver to the Columbus airport and the entire hour and a half drive to the hotel from the airport). We had a packed schedule the whole time we were there too. Our only time off was the night we arrived in Ohio. All of us were in bed by 8pm and out like lights the entire night. My abdomen was still hurting but in winterguard and dance, you just suck it up and "get er done" so to speak. Wednesday was a rehearsal day with a 10 hour rehearsal to ensure our success. That evening we watched other groups in our division perform and realized what we needed to make finals. Thursday was our preliminary performance determining with groups would move onto semi-finals. We knew we would make it and came in 17th place advancing us to semis (top 32 go to semis) still being .2 behind the 15th place team. That night we rehearsed until everything was perfect, all fifteen members, rehearsing sick and broken (physically, mentally, etc). We knew what was expected of us and rehearsed past our exhaustion point. Friday was the day we would find out if we made finals or not. We performed and had what was our best show. I was selected, along with four other UEX members to receive our division award and represent the team. We placed third in our division (4 divisions with 8 groups in each division) with our highest score of 87.5. But we did not know whether or not it was enough. Cory was frantically calculating scores trying to determine if we made finals. Meanwhile, the five of us representing the team were stopped by one of the judges, who hugged us and said "Congratulations. You are the first Utah team to ever go to finals. Nice job on your 14th place finish! Yup, we jumped three places in under 18 hours! But we had no time. We immediately packed everyone into the car and drove the 45 minutes to the next venue to make our call time about 90 minutes after finding out we made finals. We were on a high but not done yet. We didn't care at this point if we dropped to 15th place because we had just made history. We did our final performance and jumped one more spot to 13th place, the highest placement of any Utah team at Worlds!! We were happy and very tired. We had a victory dinner that evening where my stomach problems returned and didn't go away. I was very sick. At first, everyone thought they were stress related. Gretchen was in the hospital with kidney stones, Morgan was running a fever, Kerisa was recovering from her illness and Tom was trying to prevent his thumb from breaking any further. We did what we had to and now we could recover. I got home and finished up the semester out looking for a job since I was no longer needed at Craft Supplies USA. I had made the decision to go summer semester before our successful trip to Ohio and had spent the rest of April gearing up for summer school.

May 2010
The beginning of May was another trip back to California but this time, with my family. Disneyland before summer semester as amazing and so much fun. A nice stress reliever. The only problem were the slight stomach-aches I received here and there. I returned to Utah to go back to school only a few short days later. I spent most of my summer with my best friend Brian and tried to spend my first summer in Utah looking for a job and going to school.

June 2010
Nothing of huge importance happened except the finals for my first block classes. I get sick yet again in June and took all my finals with a fever of 103.8. My teachers were impressed that I received such high grades on my finals with such a terrible illness. After that illness passed, I had an episode involving my stomach. I was at Brian's grandma's house having dinner when I could no longer eat. I was starving one minute and full the next. I was in a whole lot of pain...so much pain that I could not walk. Brain ended up carrying me from the floor next the the kitchen table to the couch so that I was staying warm (he did not like the fact that I felt cold to the touch and was extremely dizzy). He wanted me to stay over offering his room and said he would sleep on the couch to make sure I was comfortable. After two hours, I felt well enough to drive home, but once home, the same episode happened again. The doctor I went to could not figure what was wrong with me.

July 2010
I was into the swing of second block summer classes. I spent fourth of July only a few feet from my apartment and had a quite evening. I was still trying my best to figure out what was wrong with my poor stomach as the episodes continued every once in a while. The end of July was difficult since Heather's 33rd birthday would have been July 31st. Many of us silently celebrated her life even though it was less than a year since her death.

August 2010
Another very difficult month. My stomach pains were in full swing and I was trying to finish up the semester with another round of finals. All during this time two things had happened. First, I had an infection in bladder (thought to be the cause of my stomach pains) that was very frightening to me. They went away quickly and the stomach pains stopped for a bit. A few days after the discovery of an infection, Sara died. Chase, the person who informed me of Heather's death started the phone conversation with "you are gonna hate me because I always call with bad news..." I knew something was wrong. In under a year another friend was gone. I went to Sara's funeral and tried to comfort her grieving mother who was my director and another mom to me. Sara had worked with me when I first started my teaching career at 19 years old. Many of us gathered outside the funeral home realizing our lives would never be the same again. Heather passed on October 10th, 2009 and Sara passed August 10, 2010, exactly ten months from each other. A week and a half after the fact my best friend went back to California. For a moment I felt alone. Two weeks after Sara's death, I started Fall term, with a heavy heart.

September 2010
I was into the full swing of things but still reflecting on the difficult month that preceded. I was excited to start some new projects and start teaching yet again! I met Lindsay some time ago but we reconnected in our modern dance class. It was then that we made a connection and I got to teach (briefly) an amazing group of girls! They worked hard and had great success throughout the fall season! It kept my mind off of things for a long time. I was starting to become happy once again! I was able to continue contact with Brian and Ryan and was relieved everytime Ryan contacted me since he was out on missions every two weeks. I had more reason to follow my dreams now that Heather, Ryan, Sara, Brian and Sister Wilson were not close by. I was doing everything for them now.

October 2010
This was both a trying and exciting month all in one. I had a meeting with my advisor and realized that with a lot of hard work I can graduate sooner than I thought. However, this may mean carrying up to 18 credits each term (maybe more). It did give me great determination to plug through school and keep going. The year anniversary hit of Heather's death. I had been in contact with Chase and Cory and all of us had our own ways for celebrating (since 10/10/10 was a Sunday). I was having a difficult time realizing I had spent a year without my mentor and still had many more years to spend without her. Regardless, I was encouraged by her family to follow my dreams. I listened to a lot of music from "wicked" (Heather's favorite musical) and got the courage to audition for a very presitigous dance company. In the past they took 24 people. This year they were looking for only 16 people. I was told I would have made it if they were going to for the usual 24 (even if they were taking 20 I would have made it)! I then proceeded to tell others of this endeavor and decided I could spend a year getting so much better at what I do...and I felt that Heather was with me more during that time than anything else. I went to her facebook and wrote the following..."I didn't make it but something tells me you would still be so proud of me because I tried! I love and deeply miss you Heather."

November 2010
November was a time to focus. It was past midterm point but preparing for finals in every aspect of school. I was stressing out more and more as finals grew closer and closer. I was excited to have Thanksgiving role around though. That meant the holidays were in full swing! My parents came into town for the holidays and I was happy to see them. I also found out that, as of June 2011, I am going to be an aunt to baby Sekaquaptewa! I enjoyed Thanksgiving and worked on Black Friday!

December 2010
1-19: I started teaching winterguard to Springville High School and did various other work for other high schools. I am excited to see what each school is able to produce. I busily started my finals routine...you know, where I stay in my room all day except to work and go to school. I didn't sleep a lot even if I got everything done early mostly because my brain decided not to stop running a million miles a minute. I spent so much time preparing for and taking finals. I did not have a life. I am pretty sure my schedule went something to this effect...teach, school work, study, and repeat. Once finals were over, I ended up sick (again).
Now: I am preparing to head back to Oregon to spend my birthday and Christmas with the family. After spending some much needed time in Oregon, I get to fly back to Utah and think about the upcoming year. I won't have a job as of January 1st and will start school on the 5th of January.

That is all for now.

December!!

2010-12-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I need to create an update blog in light of my blogging absence. I have been working on numerous blogs, but being the perfectionist that I am, I feel I am not ready to post them yet. However, I decided I needed to give somewhat of an update to my blog to let everyone know what is going on in my life in case I take another month to blog.

Yes, it is December...the month of fun, festivities and, yup, finals. I am lucky. I have a final on the 13th and on the 15th but I can work the full eight hours on the 15th (it is the final for my night class. I can take it anytime between 4pm and 8pm). The "final" on the 13th is more of a come to class because I will be taking attendance and it is required to come day. So, my dance teacher is going to have a party and then let us leave early so that some of us can go and study (or go to work early). I have finals all throughout this coming week (about five to be exact) as well as numerous papers and projects to complete. After the final on the 15th (which will be super easy), I will be finished with school until the 5th of January (and even have the whole apartment to myself for a few days!!!)! I am still finalizing my Spring semester schedule, but I will get that posted once everything is set!

I have decided to get my room completely cleaned by December 31st. I need to make sure I have enough room for pending birthday and christmas presents, plus I have noticed that there are some items of clothing I never wear any more and some stuff that I never use. Can you say donations and sell able items?! Okay, so this is where I get a little selfish...I have some clothes that I can sell for money. So, I will sell those ones first. If I can't sell them, THEN I will donate them (I know I have clothes that will not sell at all so those ones will go right into the donate pile). Hopefully, I will get a slight Christmas "bonus" (although I am predicting less than $30). I am even going to post pictures of my room before the cleaning, during cleaning after cleaning and after possibly decorating too, so stay tuned for that). Oh, and I found my camera while cleaning the other day so I will have some pictures to upload!

Yes, I have a job (well, a few of them). I returned to Craft Supplies USA in October but will have to look for another job in January. However, I did get a pay raise this time (by 50 cents)! I think I will start looking after finals so that I have less stress on my shoulders. Another "job" I have involves teaching and I love it. I worked with Springville High School here and there during fall season and have been selected to be a part of the staff for winter season! I am excited. When teaching, you develop a bond with each student. I love each one of those girls and am super excited to get started. I also work with various other high schools mostly answering questions about how to run a program. I am teaching a dance feature (a total of 32 counts or 30 seconds) to a high school in spanish fork but it will be super easy (for me). I love teaching!

I honestly can not believe I turn 23 this month. I don't feel as though I am 23. Maybe because I am still in school? I don't know, but I don't feel as though I am (or going to be) 23. I hope to accomplish many things this upcoming year and then I can say that 23 was my year!

Guess who comes back to the United States on December 10th? My best friend comes home from Afghanistan at that time (although he will be injured). He has informed that he will be home for a while even if he didn't get injured. He will have to be in medical care for the first week home but he should be well enough to hang out with friends from out of state (aka me) during winter break!!! So excited to see him again after a year of worrying if he would come home from the war!

That is all for now. I am tired.

NaNoWriMo...

2010-11-07T13:56:00.001-07:00

yes, it may just kill me...no I will not explain it at the present time..

Ten is not my favorite number...

2010-10-11T21:14:00.000-07:00

I know. This blog is written the day after 10/10/10, but I had some things to take care of yesterday that occupied my time...and for good reason. Exactly one year ago yesterday, my mentor, teacher, and friend made the ultimate sacrifice by giving her life to save others, but she saved more lives in her lifetime than the number of people she saved that were on the bus that killed her (I think there were about 52 people on that bus and 51 survived). I can't believe I have gone an entire year within my hero and mentor to lean on.

Heather..."Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."
"Did you ever know you're my hero?"...Heather would always tell her students that they were her heros and friends. I miss you Heather. I can imagine you and Sara are causing some mischief in heaven. "Save me a sit, hold on tight and enjoy the ride...cause life is about to get interesting!"

Heather Chrisenten, my guardian angel...I love and miss you terribly.

Long Days of Schooling...pt.3

2010-09-22T13:01:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am back in the UVU library today. This time though, I have a new found excitement as noted in the last post! I am able to finally view almost all of the classes avaliable for Spring Semester (as of this morning) and although most are not up to date yet, I can get a general idea of what time certain classes start. It has been confirmed that a class I need will be a night class Monday through Thursday from 5:30pm-7:05pm. However, I was informed at the meeting yesterday that every class would have three sections...one in the morning, one in the evening and one in the afternoon so that people who need to rearrange there work schedules or take other classes at other times have that option of doing so! I have already started generating a spreadsheet of class times to have a visual look for when I need to find a job!

Everything seems to be falling into place in terms of school. I hope this continues on for even just a small time so that I know I am doing the right thing! I am already getting a great feeling about a lot of things!

I must go get some food and possibly sleep before my night class!

Many Long Days of Schooling...pt.2

2010-09-21T18:39:00.000-07:00

I went to the meeting for my major and was surprised! I will still have a long road a head of me for school (at least two more years, but potenitally more) but my advisor is VERY confident that I can do it! She noticed my hard work and we talked of my education and life goals. She agrees my enthusiasium and work ethic will be the key to my success. Also, she told me summer is a great way to get a head or catch up if I ever need. Essentially, I just have to request a class and the department will try to put it on the list for the following term or make sure it is offered when needed. They were so helpful and very encouraging! I feel so much better about school. I am going to have to have to carry some heavy loads and difficult classes, everyone is confident and excited for me! I am too quite honestly happy even though I know I will probably spend the next little while of my life in the library or at school working long hours on top of working at any place of employment. I was even lucky enough to get some times and days for next semester classes! I am going to have to take a night class here and there (I think on of my classes that I will need is four days a week starting at 5pm and ending at 6:30pm) but I guess that is the sacrifice I must make for education! I am was given some good advice that I may take in consideration. Even though I have taken math all the way up to Trigonometry, I should take it again as a refresher since I will have to go to at least Calculus 1 (possibly higher for my major. I was advsed to take the following in terms of my mathematics...take Trig again in the Spring and then take Introduction to Calculus in the Summer that way I will be ready for Calc 1 by Fall of 2011 and that much closer to finishing math (they may have to add more math to my major due to new state requirements) and that way if for some reason I don't do well in Calc 1 I can take it again in the Spring of 2012 or, if there needs to be more math, I can take more math that Spring! Honestly, I have no idea I am suddenly so excited about school but I am. I have a renewed encouragement. I had been getting to the point in my schooling where I was very tired and drained. I may get there again soon but this could possibly last me the semester!

I am almost done with my goal of 7.5 pages for my portfolio today! I may do one more for good measure and to stay caught up. Even though the first draft is due is three weeks I want to have it done now so that I can get it the people that need to look at it and have editting and revision happening for the next two weeks. I want to make sure my draft is near perfect so that I have very few revisions to make when I am in midterm week because it is due in the middle of midterms. I completed four pages in three hours before the meeting. Although that may not seem like a lot, most of those pages consisted of graphs, tables and spreadsheets that I needed to generate before giving written explaination of the graphs, tables and charts. Now, I will just need to get my three to four other pages for the evening and I will be satisfied. I think I will just work on the easier pages for now so that I am not at the library too late (I would like to go to bed at a decent hour tonight). I was able to finish the 5 pages of reading I needed to do for ballet while waiting for the meeting to start (they were running a little late) so I don't have too much more homework to do after this part of the portfolio is completed! Yeah!

Now...back to work!

Many Long Days of Schooling...

2010-09-21T14:20:00.000-07:00

I decided since I will be in the library until 4:40pm and after 6pm (major's meeting at 5pm-6pm) I would take a bit of a break and update everyone. Much of my time is spent at school attending classes or studying. I think I know this school and the library so well, I could tell everyone where everything is and who to talk too (note the sarcasm). I have been working hard and know I still have quite a ways to go this for my to-do list. I had planned to get everything done by tomorrow that will most likely not happen. I think I could get my to do list completed by Saturday and start mt new week long to do list on Sunday. Today's list includes finishing 25% (seven and a half pages if I do the minimum requirement of 30 pages) of my portfolio (rough draft #1) which is due in three weeks, reading five pages from my ballet textbook, finish lesson 3, and schedule my field experience for my education class. If I can get all this done tonight, then tomorrow I will have time to go home between my last class and my evening class to get some food and possibly a nap or some down time. After my night class, I will then turn my focus to my room. If all goes well, I can try to relax on friday and have enough time for a little "me" time!

I hope the major's meeting gives hope of a quicker graduation than what I am coming up with. It would be nice to know that I will be on my way to graduating sooner than I think. I am not going to tell anyone yet how long it will take until after the meeting in case my calculations and scheduling lists are wrong (please let them be wrong...for the better). In fact, I am hoping to get a set of registration times and dates so that I know when I can snag the classes I need. I have already seen a list of potential dates and times for some class for Spring 2011 term, but I get to see when I get to register for them and when viewing for all sections will be open! I am also going to check and see if some of my academic goals correspond with my possible Spring 2011 schedule as well (I will post my academic goals soon)!

I hope to post some of my project ideas and the ones that are being put into motion up here soon! I have gotten further in the plot development of my book but I have only written 3,126 words to it. Maybe I will write pieces of the major events soon. I am even planning on posting some of it here (but nothing to give away the story)! I know of a few people who will know the book in its entitety since I will need a copious amount of editting done on it! Another project I plan on reviving is the college research project I helped jumpstart senior year of high school. I will get that list and progress on these and other projects up here later!

I must get back to work. I have 90 minutes until the meeting and coul get numerous amounts of homework done in that time!

I love all of you!

30 Days To Bran [Day 1 - 30DTB]

2010-09-11T20:59:00.000-07:00

I know I have posted a video of his before, but he has asked me to help. For those who did not see the last video I posted here, I will give you a run down...he is an author to a series and book 2 is coming out soon. He is trying very hard to be a New York Times bestseller, so he is doing a vlog for 30 days until the release of Bran Hambric 2 on 10/10/10. I think I let him do the explaining!...

Life is unfair sometimes...

2010-09-07T20:12:00.000-07:00

Sara's mom, Susan has been having a rough time of it lately (for obvious reasons). I decided to go look at Heather's facebook page and this is what her mom wrote the day of the viewing for Sara...

Hi Heather, I am sure that you and Sara have been together now. How I too have longed for your joy and laugh. When I went to see Susan Raymond, I knew exactly how she felt. She asked how I did it. As Aunt Laura said "You have no choice" I am going to have Aunt Laura call her later in the week. I keep telling myself it is just a moment in time and then we will be together. But somedays are very very long. I went through all the pictures of all the family and I am so thankful for all the of them. That is what you have to rely on is the family you are with.

Yeah. When my friend's and I saw Heather's mom come to the viewing and funeral, Cory said something..."life is unfair sometimes. To lose two important people in less than 10 months in our lives is difficult, and we still have other trials to face. Somedays I wonder if it is all worth it." After he said that, the group of us that have lost both Heather and Sara just had a group hug and could not let go of each other for the longest time while we all just cried.

Now fast forward to present day. Cory got a hold of me a few days ago asking about a girl interested in joining his winterguard team. We got to talking and understood that even though "time heals all wounds" no one ever specified how much time. He started school around the same time as me after not being in college for about 4 years. We had a very nice conversation and realized that this year, any teaching positions we get are for the ones we loved and lost, the people who gave us their undying support (and still do) and never ceased to love us and if we get any chance to perform, we will not take it for granted.

Life is unfair and we have to live with it...

September what?

2010-09-01T22:53:00.000-07:00

I can't believe September is here. I am actually kind of excited about it though. August was such a difficult month and I just want to put all the troubles, heartbreaks and worries I had behind me. Fresh new start of a new month!!

I finally have peace in the apartment, for now at least. I guess it was the fact that my landlady finally got a hold of someone in the apartment to solve it. I know some people are still angry with me but when the youngest person in the apartment is the only one taking action to solve this matter in a respectful way that is concerning.

I almost have all the classes I need this term. Once I get off the waiting list I can post my schedule (it's a busy one).

Alright, time for bed.

Long Day...Please NO more drama...

2010-08-30T19:38:00.000-07:00

I know. I am posting a venting style blog today, but it really has been one of those days. I was up at 6am this morning. A friend of mine is serving in the US Marine Corp and he would his designated internet time when the sun comes up in the morning (Afghanistan has a different time zone in case some of you didn't know...hehe). While getting ready for my 8am Ballet class I multi-tasked cleaning and chatting with this friend. Then I went to school at 7:30am and stayed there until 5:30pm due to classes, placement issues and auditions. I came home and just wanted to eat and relax. I did for a time but was faced with two roommates complaining about my roommate that has just moved in on Saturday. Then they kept judging her and noticing that I wouldn't. Then I just had my roommate Phoxay (pronounced poe-sigh) just talked me and noticed that everone is on edge and she (Phoxay) does not have Christ-like feelings not necessarily for the new roomate but just in general. I have never seen her be this nervous and anxious before. I just need to calm down and try not to get in the middle of things. Pray that things work out better.

Saying Goodbye Was Never Easy...pt. 2

2010-08-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, on Saturday I went to the funeral of a dear friend to say goodbye (for now). This upcoming weekend, I say goodbye to another. My best friend is moving back to California. He tried so hard to stay but fell just a little bit short. He now feels that he must go back home for a time to work. He has a place to stay (practically for free) and can work for his landlady until he finds work. He says he may not be back in Utah for a long while (at least a year but we are both hoping it is shorter than that). On Saturday evening, I am taking him to the train station so that he hop on the 11:30pm train back to Sacramento. We are both dreading that night. Neither of us are very good at saying goodbye. He doesn't want to leave me here (he is concerned about the timing of his leaving and how it will affect me).

We both made several promises to each other though. We would go to each others wedding receptions (and if I am married first each others sealings! although he does promise to be there for mine anyways) and that we would keep in contact all the time (via text, calls or skype) and we are working on putting a youtube channel together (shh...that's a secret...) among other promises. Yeah. Not my favorite of weeks.

Saying Goodbye Was Never Easy...

2010-08-19T22:20:00.000-07:00

I am usually so excited and grateful that I made it through the week to enjoy a wonderful weekend. However, I must face a weekend similar to what I faced 10 months ago. In under a year I have had to say goodbye to two people that have impacted me in so many ways. Tomorrow I say goodbye and Saturday those of us who have lost these two will celebrate Sara, then, if we can, we will travel down I-15 to visit the teacher that gave her life 10 months ago...our beautiful Heather.

Now, there are certain people (I will not mention any names) who feel that I want to suffer alone and therefore refuse to talk about. This is for all of you...I write to deal but not always publicly and quite honestly I with hold a lot of information from everybody. I don't want to suffer alone (no one does) but I deal in a different way. I am not going to apologize if it seems as though I suffer alone. I put on a strong face and get everyone else through this before I even consider my own feelings. Its habit. I am not going to apologize for how I cope and deal with things. I am more complicated than I think any of you think. Saying goodbye is never easy and, unfortunately I have had to do it more than twice in the last 12 months and have had to do it at least 5 times in the last 24 months but I don't tell any of you who think I suffer alone because then everyone would worry and think I was "driving for attention." I deal then I try to move on. Only a select few know how much I have lost in the last 24 months. I don't tell the world and I am sorry if that offends you. Now, please don't abandon me because of it.

The rest of you whom this does not apply too thank you! Note there are so many who do not know who or what I have lost and how difficult the last year has been but the paragraph above may not apply to you so some of you don't need to worry.

I love you all!

Zombie Unicorn Guitar Swords

2010-08-17T21:13:00.000-07:00

This is my friend Kaleb Nation. I made a promise to him a while ago that I would help him as much as I can with his book! He is writing a series and is about to release the second installment in the series, so if you're interested go find his first book "Bran Hambric: The Farfield Curse" and read it, then pre-order his second book "Bran Hambric: The Specter Key!" He's a cool guy and will be doing a book tour in Salt Lake for all those that are interested. Go check him out on youTube as well at www.youtube.com/kalebnation.

yawn Bedtime!

2010-08-16T23:29:00.001-07:00

The title says it all! Enough has been said. 'Night folks!

More Details...

2010-08-10T11:39:00.000-07:00

I got the following text today from my friend Cory...

"The cause of her passing is still unknown until some time after the autopsy. She passed in her sleep so she did pass peacefully and it is assumed she had no pain behind her passing. Susan is still in a whole lot of shock of losing her daughter. Apparently, Susan talked to Sara not even six hours before the news of her passing (which is why Susan is in shock). Susan is heading to New Zealand tonight. She has promised an update. More details to follow."

She is not back in the states yet. Apparently, they are doing the autopsy in New Zealand today or tomorrow and then making arrangements for her to come back to the states. Cory then sent me this text which made me cry and smile all at once...

"I think Heather and Sara immediately found each other in heaven, hugged, then started plans for a music and dance/colorguard program in heaven. They are teaching together now! They are happy to have each other there now!"

It is true. Sara missed Heather terribly but decided to teach her Riverton students the way Heather taught her. Now, she can teach along side her too!

2 Gone in 10 Months...

2010-08-10T02:18:00.000-07:00

Yep, I lost another friend today. I was sitting at the dollar movie theatre waiting for Karate Kid to start. I received a phone call from my friend Chase that went something like this (please note that Chase broke to the news to me about Heather not even ten months ago)...

*phone rings, I noticed Chase's name and answer it*

Me: Hey Chase. What's up?

Chase: Hello Kristen.

Me: Hi!

Chase: You are going to hate me as I always carry bad news whenever I seem to call you.

*very long pause as I realize someone has gone from this wrold*

Me: What happened? Who is it?

Chase: Susan's daughter passed away this morning.

Me: Sara? Sara died?

Chase: Yeah, it happened this morning.

Me: How did it happen?

Chase: It is unclear. They are waiting for autopsy results.

*phone clicks dead.*

I, sadly, was then tasked by a friend to sent out a mass text message to all my Blue Knights Drum Corp contacts as she did tour with them and to tell another friend of her passing since I worked with both of them at West Jordan High School. The mast texting started and the word went quick. The movie was less than two hours long and in that time, we all had spread the word, arranged for people to comfort her family (since her Mom was my director) and are now attempting to pin down a date for a funneral. She was in New Zealand on an internship at the time of her death so getting the body back to the states is going to be a bit of a challenge.
I was so overwhelmed with getting everything going I didn't have time to grieve until now. I went to Heather's page and told her to look after Sara and to start a marching band and have Sara be in the colorguard while they are in heaven. It made me realize, I have lost two friends, colleagues and well-respected and admired people in the short span of 10 months.

I love you Sara Raymond. I will be sure to look after your family. Mike, Lorraine and Scott promised to do so too.

VERY Early Morning Post!

2010-08-09T06:54:00.000-07:00

I am going to be honest with everyone. I have been up since 5am trying to get a lot of last minute stuff done. I have to finalize the research paper some time today. The research paper is a group project so we are getting everything together. I need to go to BYU today to get some dance journal to defend our research paper. That is what I am doing all day today. Looking for work and finishing up all papers!

Summer Finals Week 2010

2010-08-08T08:58:00.000-07:00

Obviously today is Sunday. But it is not just any Sunday. It is the last Sunday of the semester before I start classes in the Fall. I have class tomorrow and class on Wednesday, then I have exactly two weeks of a break to prepare for Fall term. Until that much needed and much anticipated break, though, I have to finish a whole bundle of assignments and hope I receive adequate grades on all of them. This weekend I have put in over 20 hours of study time (ten on Friday and ten on Saturday) and will spend most of today finishing everything up. I can hold off on a presentation and one of two portfolios until Wednesday and hold off on the other portfolio until Tuesday. Needless, to say I will be rather happy to have the two week break before Fall term. So, my plan for the day includes working on the following (in order):

Philosophy of Dance Paper
Revelations by Alvin Ailey Critique
Finish take home final
Revise research paper
Put together basics of both portfolios.
Finish "Ballet Companion" lesson plan
Finish tables, charts and graphs for Tuesdays portfolio!

Yeah, I get a three hour break for church for the most part I am working all day to finish all of tomorrows assignments! Better get back to work!

Busy Week Part 2

2010-08-03T11:01:00.001-07:00

I have just over 15 minutes to produce this blog before I get back to working on more assignments. I decided to post another list of what needs to get done today especially since about 70% of them are due tomorrow. Good thing I got most of the rough drafts and editing done yesterday. That means I just have to go in and revise those papers meaning I can get more done today! I have 12 things that must get done today and I will list below what they are:

Revisions for research paper
Revisions for portfolio
Philosophy Paper Outline
Math Pre-Test
Alvin Ailey Review
Religion sec. 6-8
In formal Interviews (must do 5 today).
Dance Resume for dance portfolio
cg portfolio (finish calendars, expand on goals section table(s) and graph(s) and part 2 if I finish everything else)
Send a message to Rebecca
Set-up the job shadow
Journal Entries

Yup that's what I get to do today...also, as I finish a task, I may come back and put a strike through on each completed task!!!

Such a busy Monday or a busy Week?

2010-08-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

I wrote out my to do list for the week and realized how much I have to do. I thought I could compact it all into one day! I don't think I will even make a dent today. I will tackle homework and the easier, time consuming, somewhat smaller tasks, since I do have a whole lot of homework. I get to put my DVDs out in the living room where Jamie had her DVDs. I will soon be able to put some of my books in the living room too. I want to be able to inventory all my books and DVDs so I if people borrow any of them, I know which is missing and possibly an inventory of who is borrowing which item! I am also trying to get my room cleaned up, organized and decorated!

Today, I got both my final assignments for my classes and an assignment to be completed before Fall term begins on August 25th (one my goodness, less than a month away and end of term is two weeks away). Both final assignments are major portfolios (again) and neither of them are small. The first half of both of them are not that difficult to put together. Mostly, I just compile all written assignments together and that creates the first half of both portfolios. The second half on one of them involves video and music editing for the performance CD I have to include with it and some more writing among other things!

I have decided to let eveyone know how much I have to do today. This is what I wrote on my twitter (note it was in three seperate twwitter posts since I can only have 140 characters or less)...

Twitter Post #1: Working on homework in the following order...cg portfolio (calendars, introduction and Part 1), research paper rough draft, poster summary

Twitter Post #2: resume revision, religion sections 6-8, philosophy paper outline, reflection paper and my dance midterm paper...

Twitter Post #3:all before tomorrow because tomorrow's schedule is busier...

Yeah, I am going to maybe get half of that done. The research paper is putting together the skeletons of the group works and paragraphs. The poster summary is one small paragraph about the research paper. The resume revisions is for an assignment and since I have my resume saved I can make easy corrections. The biggest ones are going to be the portfolio and all the papers due by Wednesday. Yep, a long and busy Monday as well as a busy and productive Tuesday will ensue this week. Luckily, most of the final drafts of the papers and the entire portfolio is not due until Friday (granted I do have two of them due Monday as well).

So, I best be gettintg back to work!

Project Ideas???

2010-07-18T19:38:00.000-07:00

I was facebook chatting with my former roommate (she lives in Michigan now) and told her I would send out all her mail on Tuesday "when I send out letters to Afghanistan and wondered if I should keep a record of some of those letters, videos and pictures here. I would start another blog everyone could see about my life that I send to my friend fighting in the Middle East (I know which district of Afghanistan he is in but I can't know the city. I get a general address and there is apparently a part of the address that has his unit and a special code for his city. I don't know a lot about that I just figure he deserves news from friends). I want to send him as many pictures as I can for him and some video footage so that he knows what is going on. I think I am on letter #4 and video log #2. Best I can do I guess. I think I will do it though. It might be fun to show letter I wrote and responses to the letters! Here we go!

Lots to Blog About!

2010-07-08T12:24:00.000-07:00

I have so much to blog about, it is completely insane. I am going to talk about upcoming projects, my health, and some thoughts that I just need to get out. I have a tight schedule today, but decided I need a break. I have been up since 5:30am and just been doing things like made my bed, had breakfast, and went straight to work tackling my to do list. So, I figured I would start out by talking about my health.

Finally, after several months of just not feeling well, I am on the mend. My kidneys are still acting up but I am getting to a good point. I just have to continue with my antibiotic and drink a whole lot of water over the next week or so to stay healthy. I occasionally wake up to my sides hurting but once I get some water and about 400mg of ibuprofen in my system, my sides stop hurting. I am doing everything I can to not get kidney stones or any other infection. I am done going to the doctor's office and always having something wrong with me.

Now, on to some big project ideas! I found out yesterday that I am staying in my apartment for the duration of my contract (I will post a blog later about the drama of me almost not staying here). So, I have decided to take some time and thoroughly clean my room, then decorate my room. I just have one problem...I don't want to paint the wall for several reasons. First, I will have to paint them back to white when I move out and that is a lot of hassle. Second, I would have to move everything out of my room, paint then move it all back and I am too lazy to do so. Third, I wouldn't know what color to paint it. If anyone has any ideas on how to change the color of my boringly white walls without the mess, please let me know!

Another project I have in mind is a big youtube project. I want to do some video blogging for a while and see how that project does! The next project, my novel, is starting to come into focus. I have all the major plot developments going on I just need to get the details in between each one going! I have an art project I want to do and a teaching project I want to get off the ground.

Phew! There is just so much to do. First, I must start with the more important things that must get done by the end of this week such as homework, cleaning my room, and job hunting

I Know What's Right, So Why Do I Hesitate?

2010-06-29T21:44:00.000-07:00

I have had a lot to think about in the past year, such as where should I go in life, who I need to talk to things about, etc. Recently I have been having this same experience with a friend. I have prayed a lot about it and knew the answer as to what to do a while ago, but never really followed it. Then, I realized why I never did follow that feeling. I could lose everything. Granted I could gain everything too. But that is what gets me...I know this is what God wants me to do. I know there will be a little bit of hurt, but I know it is the right thing to do and I have known for a while. So, why am I such a wimp and get scared? I know the Devil is working so hard against me. I know this is one of his little games, so why do I allow him to do this to me?

Life is frustrating sometimes.

My Frustration with Plato's Closet...

2010-06-25T13:59:00.000-07:00

As some of my readers know, I have been sick with either strep or bronchitis (most likely bronchitis, but I am waiting on a strep test). So, I was stuck in my room all week, except to attend classes for finals and new summer block classes. Today my fever has been holding steady at 100.0, so I decided today would be the day I venture out of my apartment for things not school or doctor related!!! All week I have been sorting through clothes to see what I could sale at Plato's Closet. For those who don't know, Plato's Closet is a store that buys clothes from people and then re-sales them for way cheap. So, I gathered all my clothes that I don't wear, no longer fit, or no longer care for and headed over!! I came in, went through the usual filling out of forms and such then was told I would have to wait 20 minutes for them to go through them. I stood there and waited...waited...waited..and noticed the girls got to my pile of clothes, went through and proceeded to fold them, then called me over. What happened next made me frustrated and I am sorry if it came off as mean, but I was trying to prove a point...

Girl: I'm sorry. We can not take any of your clothes today because we are looking for a certain label and a certain brand. Plus, you're clothes are a little too mature for teenagers.

Me: Funny, because your website says 'Clothes for Pre-teens, teens, and twenty somethings." Is that false?

Girl: Well, no but we target the very early twenties and these are more for the mid- to late twenties!

Me: Doesn't twenty something mean anybody in there twenties, so even mid- to late twenties?

Girl: Well, yeah but we target early twenties because we have more teenage style clothing!

Me: Because that is what you selected, so it is biased on your part.

Girl: ...

Me: ...and which brand are you looking for anyways?

Girl: *quietly* Popular teenage brands.

Me: So, because I choose not to be popular and actually look a bit more sophisticated than most girls, I can't sell anything here?"

Girl: ...

Me: ...and because I could not nor will I ever be able to or want to spend $100 dollars on Abercromie Jeans because that is a common brand I see here, you will not buy my clothes?

Girl: *sheepishly* um, no.

Me: Funny because your website says I can bring in any brand, any style and receive money on the spot, even for books and DVDs too, but those get rejected as well.

Girl: *embaressed* um, sorry, no.

Me: So, I just wasted my week sorting through clothes, wasted gas coming here, and wasted my time standing here because you advertise a "we give you money on the spot for your clothes" policy?

Girl: ...um, yes.

Me: Wow! I'll go to wandering wardrobe. At least their website says they will check brands and give almost 20% more in cash than what you guys give.

I walk out of the store with all my clothes in hand...and so did everyone else waiting.

I feel bad now for embaressing the girl, but I was so frustrated. Yes, their website says if it is older than 12-24 months it is out of style, so I put some things in that were about 18-24 months old because I wasn't sure, but come on. Anything else that was newer she just checked the label and put it aside. So, I have to be popular, wear teenage style clothes and shop at expensive stores to sell my clothes later? That is ridiculous. Advertise what you want not that you get money on the spot for your clothes.

Maybe, wandering wardrobe in Springville will give some results. I just don't want to go all the way to Springville.

A Missing Heather Moment

2010-06-16T19:53:00.002-07:00

"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good!" This quote is from Wicked and it was Heather's favorite!

"We are not sad for the time we had, nor are we sad for the time we will have. Instead we are sad that we must go on and exist without them."

"...when my spirits falter
on decaying alters,
and my illusions fail
I go on right then.
I go on again.
I go on to say
'I will face another day'
if I still go on..."
~Blue Knights Drum and Bugle Corp Pre-show Corp song

Yeah, I miss Heather like crazy right now. But my best friend, Brian says it's normal to miss someone that close to you even several years down the road (she passed away in October, but because of her death so many people lived).

You Know You're From the Northwest When...

2010-06-06T13:33:00.002-07:00

1. It's 90 degrees Fahrenheit outside and that is deemed way too hot.
2. Anything above 80 degrees Fahrenheit is too hot.
3. You cry because the cloudless sky is too blue and not white or grey enough.
4. Utah water is just plain nasty.
5. You are still shocked to see a Mormon church building on every street in Utah and yet wonder where all the Mormon churches are when in the Northwest.
6. You look at other trees and say "look I found a bush!"

Yeah! Way too hot here in Utah!

Wednesday Craziness!!!

2010-06-02T08:25:00.002-07:00

I don't understand why my Wednesdays are always so crazy. Today, I got out of class early, so I am taking a break from studying and doing homework to show how busy my Wednesday actually is. Once I finish this blog I will go back to doing homework and studying! I think I will finish all of this weeks worksheets so that I don't have to worry about after today. Then I get to work on two (yes, two) portfolios, one of which is due Friday! Then I will go take a test, throughly clean more of my room, work on my novel (1,000 more words today) and look for some employment. I guess this week is going to be rather busy. But that's what keeps me out of trouble, right? ;) You know, I wouldn't have it any other way!

My Next Project...

2010-06-01T22:03:00.003-07:00

I have had a goal for the past little while to write a novel and get it published. I am not going for anything spectacular. I am not expecting to produce a New York Times Bestseller book. I just think it would be fun to write a book (or two...or more if I decide to make it a series) and get it published. But, I am a perfectionist and being as such I am going to want it editted like no other. I am taking a friends advice and just write until I have nothing else to write and then go through and do a self-editting. Then, I should hand out a few copies to people I trust for some more extensive editting and, if I get lucky enough to have an agent or a publisher or editor, have even more editting done. It will take a lot of work and be a long process, but trust me when I say I want to do this. I have a few goals. Tonight, plan on starting it and reaching 1,000 words! I want to have a basic draft that I have promised to two people already by August 31st, but we'll see if I reach that goal with school and job hunting. Like I said, a new project for me to take on...

Here we go!

Note: I may post quotes and small excerpts form my story on here from time-to-time...or I may create a new blog altogether...I will keep everyone posted!

Going Nowhere?

2010-05-30T09:51:00.002-07:00

It sure feels that way. I have been cleaning my room for the past two hours and I promise, it looks and feels as though it is messier than when I began. I wonder if it is because I am a perfectionist and so I am doing the whole deep cleaning, where I even attack my closet and under bed. Hmmm...this could explain a lot. I started out by attacking my closet and sure enough, I found things I don't wear anymore or that do not fit me in the closet. So, I get to make a few trips to Plato's Closet, Wondering Wardrobe and Deseret Industries tomorrow (I know I'm terrible. I should just go to D.I. and drop off all the clothes there, but I don't have a job so I am going to see what money I can get out of my clothes first). Once I have my closet and dresser raided, I am going to tackle my desk and bookshelves (yes, plural. I have three already just for books and plan on investing my 1 or 2 more for the rest of my books and my DVDs). I hope this doesn't turn into a two day event since I plan to use my Memorial Day Monday to finish some homework (okay, finish a lot of homework) and to play a little!

The test results came back from my doctor. Everything looks to be normal. That's good right? So, why am I still in pain? I was given a prescription for pain killers and told if it doesn't get better in two weeks, then the doctor will have a CAT scan done to check out my insides. I just hope it all goes away soon. It would be nice to not have any more pain.

That's it for now. I better get back to cleaning especially since I have church at 1pm and dinner with the family at 5pm.

What's Wrong With Me?

2010-05-28T08:41:00.002-07:00

As a little bit of a back story, I have been having abdominal pains on and off since March, but since the beginning of May they have been consistently bothering me. So, I decided it was time to see a doctor yesterday and she is concerned. She got a red blood cell count (yes, drew blood and almost passed out) and wants an ultra sound today. I go to the hospital at one to get my ultra sound and hopefully we have all test results back by tonight or tomorrow (at the latest). She was debating whether we should do the ultrasound or a Cat-scan and went with the ultra sound first. Hopefully we can pin down what's wrong with me because it would be nice to eat regularly again and not have pain. Here's to hoping...

In other news, Heather's head stone finally went up yesterday, so now my plans for visiting the Delta Cemetery where she is buried are coming together again. I'll be able to find her easily! There's just one problem...Delta is about 1-2 hours from where I live so it would have to be on a weekend. I don't care though. I need to continue my healing process and this may help. Love and miss you Heather!

It's May and there's Snow???

2010-05-24T09:19:00.003-07:00

I am a little upset. I woke up this morning to snow. Really Utah? Rain I can handle (and love), but snow in May, when we are so close to June? Really? I slipped twice this morning on my way to class and now everything is wet. My homework is wet, my notes are wet and the ink from my pen marking on my notes is running, this is just ridiculous. I think global warming is suck a hoax and you wan to know why? Because it is freaking snowing in Utah at the end of May. Snow...GO AWAY!!

As I listen...

2010-05-19T15:14:00.002-07:00

As I listen, I realize how hard I have to fight and how bad I want it...So, here I go.

I'm a dork...and so is he! Part 2

2010-05-18T21:46:00.002-07:00

Yes, mine and Brian's epic Gaia adventures continue! Today we played a lot of Gaia and realized how much of a geek and a dork both of us were. We played a certain part of the game for gold (the source of income in Gaia) and for Orbs (a way to power up). In this particular section of the game, you put together a crew of about 5-6 people and attempt to defeat the saw blades that come to life and try to stop you from fulfilling this task. There are three levels. The harder the level, the more gold and orbs and rewards you receive. We played this particular section of the game so many times that I leveled up 2.3 levels (yes, that is a HUGE accomplishment in this game). When we finally decided to stop, we sat back for a moment looked at each other, laughed and proceeded to acknowledge how big of dork we are. Then we went back to the process we started yesterday. We looked for ways to make ourselves bigger dorks by finding items for our doctor who character and making companions for him. We also started a petition that we intend to send to Gaia asking them to have doctor who items in the Marketplace. Yes, we are dorks! I am a dork...and so is he! But you know what? We would have it any other way!!!

I'm a dork...and so is he!

2010-05-17T21:05:00.002-07:00

Today was an interesting day to say the least. I have not been feeling well lately and had a small fever this morning when I woke up. I went to school and studied. Then I got a text from my bestest best friend in the entire world, Brian. He texted me asking if I was feeling okay. I explained to him that I didn't feel well (we tell each other everything). I continued to study since I have a test this week. I finally couldn't pay anymore attention, so I went over to his place where he cooked and laid me down on the couch for me to sleep a bit. I slept for a bit while he finished cooking (he loves to cook). He woke me up to get me fed and then we sat and watched a movie for a bit. Then we hoped on the computer to play our favorite game...Gaia!

For those who don't know, Gaia is an online game. You pick a character (avatar) and then you complete a series of tasks, such as defeating ten gnomes or fighting the animated saw blades. Anyways, you get rewards and gold for all tasks completed. So, today, Brian and I decided to get on Gaia and look around the marketplace. Since Brian's character is obviously a boy we decided to look for a suit and that is when the fun and feeling better began! We are both very avid Doctor Who fans. A recent doctor sported a suit and a trench coat for his costume. Part of his story includes a pocket watch in the third season and in the specials! So, we went crazy and purchased a suit, a trench coat and a pocket watch for our "The_Doctor905" character. We also found out that there are at least six other Doctor Who fans. Now, we are attempting to start a petition to have Gaia sell Doctor Who stuff in the Gaia stores so our characters can sport Doctor Who stuff! Needless to say this made my day and I felt better after all of this.

Yes, I know. I am a dork...and so is he! But we wouldn't have it any other way!!!

Yeah for a fun day with my best friend!

Also, can I say how much I like (not love) summer. I love the idea of having day light all the way through 10:00pm! I love it!!!

Alright, I will stop being a dork now...unlikely to happen though!! :)

Head vs. Heart

2010-05-08T14:17:00.002-07:00

I always feel as though I am constantly in a battle. Head vs. heart...that's always the case. Do I do what I want to do or what everyone expects me to do? I have so many things that I think about on a daily basis and I have to decide if my brain or my heart is going to win. I am the kind of person who wants to have her heart win the battle everytime, but logic must be used in all aspects of life as well. I am also catious with my heart because of all the heartache and broken hearts I have faced in the last year. Heather died and I am still facing the reprocusions of a broken heart everyday and I have a very good friend in Afghanistan with a 50/50 chance of coming back home alive and in one piece. I am also facing the idea that someone I love so completely may decide to not love me in return even though he does now. Somedays, I want to run away. Go somewhere new and start all over, with no hurt, but I know that is not possible. Every night when I go to sleep, I wonder if it is all worth it, and every single night the Lord tells me one thing..."it is so worth it." I just have to get through these trials in my life and I will be blessed for them and be blessed with new trials.

I am going to leave some quotes for everyone to ponder on at the end of this entry...

"I wish I could see your trials, your pain. I wish I could feel it and hold you in my arms and tell you how it will all work out. I won't judge you. I will just love you."

"I don't love you because you are perfect. I love you because you are perfect for me."

Summer School and Employment

2010-05-06T11:54:00.000-07:00

Yes, folks you read it right. I am enrolled in first block summer courses at UVU. Usually I end up going to BYU (visiting student program) or work. But I have put a lot of thought into it and I feel as though this is the right thing to do! I am liking it so far, but it is only the first week. I am taking it somewhat easy this summer. I decided to go as a part-time student so that once I do find steady employment I can have more hours. I think I am taking about 10 credits this first block.

Now, I am still looking for a job. However, I did receive a phone call yesterday. It was a colorguard instructor asking for some help and yes, I get paid. This is nice. I would like to have a colorguard or dance team of my own to teach, but occasional summer clinics and camps are going to have to do for now. I think I get $40 dollars for helping out today!! Not much, but hey, work is work, right? I do know of a few high schools potenitally hiring for a colorguard instructor, so everyone cross your fingers.

Okay, now off to make $40!

Done!!!

2010-04-27T15:35:00.002-07:00

Finals are over for the semester! That means Disneyland is tomorrow night! I think I did well on my final today! I am so ready for a break!!

Final Count...

2010-04-26T13:20:00.002-07:00

There was no pun intended in the title. The BIG portfolio is for my final and it came out to be 94 pages total. This includes the title page, table of contents, index, appendices, pictures, graphs, and the actual content of the portfolio. Phew! I can now put that aside and focus on my dance final tomorrow. It is going to be tough. Everyone thinks I am way good at dance and that it comes to me easily. WRONG!! I have to work for it and this is my hardest dance final so far. Yeah, I will be happy when it's all over and I can go to Disneyland for a few days and relax!!!

Longest Outline Ever

2010-04-25T16:27:00.002-07:00

As I have mentioned before, finals start tomorrow. One of my classes requires a portfolio as the final, so all I have to do is go to the teacher and hand it in then head to my next final. The portfolio is a pretty big portfolio as we have been putting it together since the beginning of February. Until this morning, we were not required to have an outline for our portfolio. Now, we must have one. I wrote out the outline (it doesn't have to be typed) and have already hit six pages of an outline and I am not even half way finished with it yet. I am trying to meet all the requirements for this outline and put the finishing touches on the portfolio. All in all, I estimate (with the outline attached) to have a 70+ page portfolio by Tuesday to hand into my professor. Oh, the life of a college student. I will be glad to hope on a plane to California...Disneyland in three days!!!

Oh and as an added bonus, my friend Ryan, who is serving in the U.S. Marine Corp might be coming up to visit me while in California. He is stationed at a base in California, but ships out to Afghanistan on May 9th for a highly classified mission (he said he can't give me too much detail or else he would put people in danger). All I ask is that everyone prays for our soldiers. He is going to a dangerous part of Afghanistan and has a 50/50 chance of coming home alive. I am so grateful that I have a friend willing to fight for my freedom!! Thanks buddy!

Finals Week and DIsneyland

2010-04-24T14:00:00.002-07:00

Yes, it is Saturday and finals week has not technically started yet. However, I thought I would at least post a blog regarding current happenings since my last post was about the successful season my performance group was given. I can honestly say, now, I rarely know what to do with my time. Every morning I would wake up with a list of things I needed to do that day. I would start and then lose the motivation to continue, so then I would go hang out with my best friend Brian. Now, I am sitting at the computer that sits in my room (since the fan in my other computer decided to die) writing this blog. I started the day by taking Brian to the airport (he will be in various parts of California this week), then I got right to work cleaning my room. I made my bed, started a pile for dirty clothes cleaned off the night stand and cleared enough of a space to get on this computer. I feel very unproductive today, but hopefully that will change once I get off the computer. I have a HUGE list of things that I must get done this weekend or else I may stress a whole lot.

Finals start on Monday, but I am not too worried about most of them yet. One of them is a group presentation and 50% of the grade was whether or not we showed up to Thursdays class, preparation for the presentation (which happened on Thursday) and grade check, so I have at least a 50% on that final already!

I am way excited for what happens after finals...DISNEYLAND!!! Last time I was in Disneyland, I was a wee little thing and barely remember any of the events that took place. It will be nice to be in California again and to not have to worry about school for a while!! I will be taking loads of pictures!! Wednesday night can't seem to come fast enough.

Now, back to cleaning...

Utah Bound..

2010-04-11T13:48:00.002-07:00

I a still in Ohio waiting to board a plane back to Utah. I am very sad. Friday was the very last performance we had together as a team. I love all of them like my family and yet, I have to leave them behind once I reach Utah. We will have a banquet in May and some summer clinics where I will learn to be an effective teacher and help teach many classes to other performers and directors as well. But since most of those are not mandatory, I don't know when we will all be together again. After finishing out the season with the 13th spot in the entire world out of 104 groups, I can honestly say I am proud and honored to perform alongside people I love.

To Susan Raymond, my other mom aside from my real mom and Momma Dupaix. How I love your wisdom and the trust you gave to me to care for everyone else because I am the oldest. Thanks for taking me under your wing and trusting me to do almost anything.

To Sumer Addy, my mentor and friend. Thank you for trusting me to take your movement and your show (your "baby") to another level. Thanks for allowing me to grow so much as a dancer and for helping me gain the confidence to to go foreward with my dance career.

To Cory Oliver, my friend and the brother I felt I never had. Thank you so much for loving me more than I loved myself and for never judging me. Thank you for helping me understand my potential and my excellence, even when I felt I had none.

These people taught and trained me to be the best and now we must part ways. Sumer and Cory are potenitlly going away and I will not be with the group next year. I see Cory regularly as we are going to practice for bigger auditions and bigger plans!

I am holding back many sorrowful tears at the moment, but it will all be okay.

13 is not so unlucky...

2010-04-09T22:11:00.002-07:00

Why? Because that was our final palcement for World's!!! We accomplished our goal! We wanted top 20! The fianl fifteen go to finals! We got the 14th spot going into finals but came out with hte number 13 spot in the end!!! It was a very productive week!

Brief Update

2010-04-07T06:30:00.002-07:00

Yes! In Ohio and it is so beautiful here. Mostly, because it was almost 80 degrees yesterday. A far cry from the blizzard we had in Utah on Monday. Plus, I get to be with a lot of cool people! We perform today as a show-n-tell a few times, then dress up for dinner and go watch other groups! Tomorrow is the ultimate day! We figure out a projected score and placement. Finals are so close and we hope to make it to top 15. Now, I am sitting in the hotel room, waiting to go to rehearsal and do a performance today! Here we go!

Dayton Bound

2010-04-05T18:09:00.001-07:00

Going to Ohio! Be gone from April 6-11th. Wish us luck. We are in a great spot to potenital take finals! My love to all!

Movie Review-The Blind Side

2010-03-29T18:22:00.002-07:00

I am going to admit it...I went to FHE for the first time in a long time. There was a flier on the door of the apartment stating that FHE was a movie night and that we were watching The Blind Side. Oh my goodness, such an amazing movie! I loved it I can see why Sandra Bullock got an award. The movie made me cry, but it was so frekaing good! I loved every moment of it. The actting was amazing, the sotry line was heart-wrenching and heart-warming...everything about this movie was great. Five stars!

Roller Coaster of a Week

2010-03-28T15:17:00.002-07:00

This entry week has proven to be a week of trials. But I must start off with the results of our California trip. It was such a blast. Our group placed second overall and are now sitting at number 16 in the World! We were then invited to go to the International Competition in Ohio (as known as World's). We are still trying to decide if we should go. We would be in Ohio from April 6-11th. The top 60 groups go to World's, the top 32 from the preliminary performance go on to semi-finals and the top 15 from semi-finals go on to finals. Hence our excitement. Sitting in the #16 spot gives us hope and potential to hit finals. So, for the next week or so, we doing all we can and working very hard to hit the #15 spot.

However, a few days after leaning about our amazing spot, I got a major shock. The principal of the high school that I work at informed me that budget cuts were being made and I am being let go as of April 9th. I thought everything would be okay since I still had my job at Craft Supplies. However, on Friday, I found out that they are eliminating my position and I have two weeks left at Craft Supplies USA. I guess it is time to find a new job. I don't like this one bit. I had a BIG plan that I was in the middle of completing, but now, I have a set back. I did cry on Friday and Saturday. I taked to one of my instructors, Cory, and he re-assured me.

I absolutely love Cory. He is like the older brother I never had. He sat me down and told me a lot of things I needed to hear. Then, he commented about my "gift of hard work." Please note he is not LDS, but recognizes talent, passion and abilities. I loved out talk!

Yep, I am hoping for a better week.

Last Week of March 2010

2010-03-23T07:50:00.002-07:00

I don't have a lot of time. This entry is being done at school because I finished everything and am now waiting to go to my 9am class. However, I felt as though I needed to have some sort of an update.

This weekend was a very fun and eventful weekend. To make a long story short, I participate in a performance group that is helping me pay for school! Our performances were just that...performances. Now, we are in competitive mode. This weekend we trekked out to California with a high school group and another performance group from Weber State, to event a competitive event in Rancho Cucamonga. There were nine groups in our division and we had to place top five in order to have the success we needed. We did place top five, in face, we placed second overall. Our performance group is now sitting at #16 in our division competitively and #17 in the world. We are now debating a World Championship performance. If we improve our standing and our score these next two weeks, we could sit in top 15 which would guarantee us an amazing spot at Worlds! Great weekend overall!

I can't believe it is the last full week of March. I have so much to do. I am back from the California trip and have homework, work, teaching, performing and so much more to do. Today I have to finish my portfolio so that I can get it all put together and edited before I turn it in Thursday (it is not due until next week, but I get extra points for turning it in early)! My students are becoming restless too. I give them material to practice and they get it fairly well. My next task is to make things more difficult.

Now, it is 9am and class must be attended. More frequent updates will occur! Promise!

Confusing Kristen...again...

2010-03-16T20:35:00.002-07:00

My best friend, Brian, has a goal to confuse me as much as possible simply because "it is so much fun to do" as he states. Except I don't think that was his intention today. There were a series of text messages exchanged between the two of us for an hour or so. Then we both lost some texts so this is the following conversation that took place later in the day...

Brian: how about i call you when you get off work?

Me: Okay?

Brian: ???What?

Me: I am am way confused. Are you calling me? Or is it better for me to call you? When do you want to talk?

Brian: silly girl, we will figure that out when we talk on the phone...

Me: ??? So, then what time is best for you?

Brian: I told you, we will figure it out when we talk tonight.

Me: ???

Brian: Besides I have free nights and weekends and free calls to verizon customers.

Me: ??? *rolls eyes* I figured as much.

Brian: just making sure. what's with the question marks?

Me: What time are we talking?

Brian: oh, I'm not making sense am I?

Me: nope.

Brian: sorry, i am not trying to confuse you...

Me: You sure about that?

Brian: haha...how about i just text you later, yeah?

Me: okay!

Needless to say, I got extremely confused. But I can't stay frustrated at my best friend!

Looks Like a Great Week Ahead!

2010-03-08T18:48:00.002-07:00

That's right, folks! A great week is ahead. I am going to have the usual busy week, but there are not a lot of stresses happening (that I know of)! I am also on a bit of a high! My friend from the preivous entry got baptised on Saturday and confirmed a member of the church yesterday! I am way excited still. I got to see some pictures and video footage from the event and I am thrilled. Plus, I had an amazing show on Saturday despite the staging issues. We also found out we are headed to California in two weeks for a performance. That is when K and I will meet up. I told him I owe him some Indian food since I couldn't go to his baptism on Saturday! I think we are meeting up the Friday night I arrive or the Saturday night after our preliminary performance. I just have to remember to not stress out before the trip. That is why I think it will be a great week for me.

My plans this week include:

Monday:
-Homework
-Clean
-Finish lesson plans

Tuesday:
-NCIS
-Teach
-Present lesson plans to school district

Wednesday:
-Homework
-Rehearsal
-Hang out with my best friend, Brian!

Thursday:
-Teach
-Homework

Friday:
-Rehearsal
-Homework

Saturday:
-Rehearsal
-Hang out with Brian

Sunday;
-RELAX
-Deep breath before chaos

Yes, the following week will be pretty chaotic as I will need to get my lesson plans to the assistant dance teacher and get everything ready before California!

I am just a little bit excited!

Back to lesson plans and homework!

Sick Woes turn into Happy News!

2010-02-22T16:14:00.003-07:00

Okay, this may prove to be a long journal entry as there is a lengthy back story. But the first story has to do mostly with me. First, I am sick and have been for a few days. The doctor told me that it was a good thing that I came when I did because I have enough congestion and mucus that I was show very early signs of pneumonia. I have had pneumonia four other times and even though I have been vaccinated for it, I was told that I am still at high risk for developing pneumonia again. So, I was given a prescription and sent on my way. So, I have been feeling crappy for a while.

Now, way is this story important? Read the rest of the post and you will see why.

I am going to tell you the story of my friend K (I will not give his full name). Back in 2008 he met a girl, whom we will call M. In early 2009, these two started dating and became really close friends! In fact, K wanted to marry this girl. She introduced him to the church and he gladly went (mostly for her though). After a few months, things between them just didn't work out and K though this was his sign from God that he should not join the church. Due to his heartbreak, he packed away all his church books and continue on with his life. Then, something exciting happened! K flew out to Utah in October of 2009 for business purposes (he is a young author...young being 21). He had a presentation to do in Payson on Saturday and a book signing on Monday. M's older sister Valerie and I decided this was the right time to bring him back to where he was before his heartbreak. He came with us to church and then we went to temple square. The next day he was at Temple Square the whole day. When he left Utah that Tuesday night, he was "practically ready to be baptised within the month," and happy to move forward yet again with investigating the church. Then, in November, his ex-girlfriend, M got engaged and this upset K to the point were he decided pursuing the church since he still felt as though his feelings for M were part of the reason he was interested in the church anyways. After about a month hiatus I decided it was time to start sending his spiritual quotes, messages and scriptures to highlight and ponder. Interestingly enough, he was feeling extremely depressed that week and decided to pull out his scriptures and read some "happy verses" as he likes to call them. Then he say my message to him. This started at the beginning of December. Since then we have been messaging back and forth daily about life and about the Gospel. He told me he is never happy unless his going to church and reading his scriptures, but that he felt he would not be ready to join until late 2010 or early 2011. I was a bit disappointed that it wasn't earlier, but I could tell God was working on K and working on my patience.

Now, back to the story of me being sick. I was walking out of the doctor's office feeling yucky. I looked at my phone to check the date and time and noticed I had a text message from facebook stating that I had a message from K. I went to Walmart to fill my prescription and went home as fast as I could to check the message. This is what it said:

"Subject: hello there!

Guess who's getting baptized on March 6? :)
That Book Of Mormon you gave me is covered with highlights and notes. It's really important to me now, so thanks for sharing it with me when I was in SLC. Reading that has been a big part of my life and in deciding to (finally!) join the church.

--K"

I was so excited and felt so much better on the inside. I went from being sick and feeling crappy to being sick. and feeling better about everything! I had to personally call him and congradulate him. During the phone call he thanked me and said I was "an amazing friend" and wanted to personally invite me to his baptism. Unfortunately, I am unable to attend due to a performance that night. However, we are making plans to get together.

Happy! But sick!

Kristen

Planning Ahead!

2010-01-24T10:39:00.002-07:00

I took a look at what I have going on this week and have deicded that it is in my best interest to get ahead in my school work. I am extremely busy this week and will most likely only be home at night to tuck into bed after many exhausting days. I teach a lot and rehearse a whole bunch this week in preparation for Saturdays show. Today and Monday are the only breaks I get from teaching and rehearsing. I will work a whole lot, go to school teach, finish the costumes for my students, take inventory for the emergency box, get video footage going, get thank you letters out to sposors, all while staying healthy so I don't miss Saturdays show (I can't miss I just don't like perofring while sick). Needless, to say, I may die this week. If I do please give me a nice funeral!